Where we end up.

isnt always where we will go. im going on vacation in a little bit. Ginkfist has been on vacation for a little bit. sorry about that. I've crawled in and out of the bottle about as many time as Gink's been pregnant. and between the two of us, the crack pipe stays hot. I think we've done ok. we're still above the post a day mark, by quite a stretch. and i think we've offended most of you quite well. some by the content, some from the lack off. I know some of you weird fucks, show up with your dick in your hand and lament, a text passage akin to this one. thats right, i used the word akin. English's teachers of mine: suck my dick, or ill fuck your akin. but not Akon. he's hood. I want to know what people want from ginkfist. whether its the picture of their grandma blowing a poodle, to my grandparents asking that i not bash the pope on good friday. I spare him no quarter. I believe Jesus was a magician. and i think rapture may very well be the end of days for all of us (fuck yea, led zep title, AND arnold schwarzenegger movie title in one quote") It's easy if you try. no hell below us. above us, only HIGH. speakin of. i was at work, and gotdamn, this dude was high on meth. I didnt understand one word he said in 6ix hours. honestly. not like you're at a bar tellin a chick your cock is eight inches "honetsly", like honestly this guy was higher than fuck. I dont agree with that. I believe, in whiskey, and the occasional pot and cigarette. Pot makes me feel like im dyin, and with cigarettes im damn sure i am. I dont know if anyones read this far, but if you have. lemme know. Ill get you drunk, somehow. Ill be in real america next month, lets make it happen. I gotta shit.

Back to your roots.

i will find a center in you.

speakin of. did anyone else catch the sweet mullet on the dude, doin the wang fu.


who the fuck still wang fu's anyway? i only know of one dude doin wayne fu, and hes super dragon, so no way should anyone wang fu. the art of crazy ninja penis attacks died with john wayne bobitt's rise to porn fame.

i hate when hangover midgets attack, and drink all my water.

sticky doodad.

Strange beasts

I wonder how this all happened. people fighting n fucking n such. building bombs and segways.you dont need a segway any more than a war. but people couldnt handle hangin out all day. thats enough to make you blow mother f's up. i think you should blow some people up. like hot chicks who poop, and then become sluts. FUCk. cause you buy her a 12 pack of hamm's fall in love, then you're like great, i fucked a chick who shits. next thing you know shes banging the drunks from the downtown library.I'd bomb over that.

Shiny Shiny people. just drink wine together. at 6am, and discuss the best president, vs the hottest mortal kombat character vs coolest midget in a 3way cage ladder match. with leif and kneebaum playing the background music.

Send food now, these bitches is serious.

honk if you plow blow. Shutup. its quarter to eight and im lazy. better yet, photoshop your own bullshit and email it to me.elginko@gmail.com I suppose if your ubernerd like me, you can click that link and itll open your mail client. or just copy n paste if your dumb, like Flack I dont think he updates anymore, thats even dumber. Flack=homo4life.

fuck yea.

well my rss feeder is working. cause it tell's me that Lindsay lowboob got a dui.No not that dui. A new one. the bitch got out of rehab 2 weeks ago, spent an hour in jail last week, and now gets busted with llelo(no its not yayo, tony you dumbfuck, quit rapping.) I wanna marry this beatrice, imagine the trailer parks you could take over. itd be amazing. she doesnt even look like a hot cokehead with big boobs anymore.she looks like me on a hangover, with little boobs.



id still hit it though, for the alimony and child support. i hear her parents are nutty bunches of cokes too. thats cool with me. im dreamin of a white christmas too bitches. picture me rollin.

If you don't know if you're a communist put on American spandex as a testament to your undying loyalty to Democracy.

Heroes come in many shapes and sizes. This one unfortunately does not appear on NBC this fall.

Back to our roots.

This ugly act and usage of the helicopter isn't as degrading as this one:

this. simply. is. amazing.
Fuck Mr. Gadget!!!

Break my back twice so the first time makes me think there wont be a second time

If all else fails in life dictate ever day as if you were an octopus on the wings of a dragon laying eggs on a cemetery so zombie dragons will be born in the twilight of our waning existence to eradicate our hopes of ever coming back from using so much solar power to incinerate our rubbish. Breakfast is better served on a hot plate from a woman who smokes eighty packs of Marlboro's cigarettes before she smokes eighty packs and then smokes eighty more. Life is simple. Don't skateboard on the sand and don't fight four hundred pound Samoans that have been in County because they got caught skateboarding in a place they shouldn't have been.

I will wish to resuscitate life into you demons with the ghost of Pat Morita, but if I want to do this you need to listen to Neil Young's Southern Man while reading this and be racists to racists. It's just too bad his last movie had him acting with Eric Roberts. Because all of those who've witnessed the Kennedy assassination that are now dead that's the outcome of anyone who works with Eric Roberts in a movie. K.I.A.W.W.W.E.R. Yes that stands for Killed In Action While Working With Eric Roberts.

When I pass on I want someone to gink the hell out of me. So I can go to heaven.

The enmity grows with every waking moment. And when I sleep I don't care to dream about Pete Wentz because that would make me gay even if he was in a dream where I was torturing him like Jack Bauer because the very fact that he would even be in a dream mine would make me 13 on the Homo Meter by default.


Just out of curiosity I've always wanted to go to a nudist camp or retreat but be that one guy with a tube sock on my johnson and tell everyone that Captain Willie is agoraphobic. I never did understand why people have this feeling of being naked. Some weird Eden complex overwhelms them into shredding off the clothes and call out to all the hippies and major bush to let it be free. I guess I wouldn't mind it if every chick was brunette and wanted to bring their Brazilian and Italian bodies drenched in chocolate sex oil for a nice round of twister. Yes there are no males in my nudist camp. But you know some guys have the excuse, "Oh honey I just happened to fall into her!" is the explanation of this nudist mishap below: I put together an image below this mound of herpes that explains what just happened here.



Hell yeah peeps! They fell into the Homey Train. Get your local slut to submit to the most degrading bootcake event of the century and blast that bitch into a Homey Train.

by the way bootcake means Bukkake. Feel the liberty to use this phrase when ever just quote ginkfist.

I've recently been getting into Black Metal

How to quote thomas Jefferson:

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical.

now i dont know if this is the exact quote Joe used. but i've personally liked it for a few. and plus thomas jefferson's the man. he was my favorite president until bill clinton, and i grew up in regan years. i did a wax crayon drawing of him in 3rd grade, that came out this pukey orange on the wax paper transfer, so i cried. it was mrs miller's class, i always wanted to stick it to her, even before i knew that shit was cool. (way before Teachers gone wild.) so back to my wadded up panties and throwing a bitch fit on the floor because i had an orange thomas jefferson who was my favorite old man besides my grandfather until another old man got a blowjob at work from monica, after my grandfather died. so hear i am carrying on like a tampax ad during the superbowl, with mrs. miller consoling me. i cheered up and probably even had a little 3rd grade bone goin. who knows. not me. so she convinces me that its artistic and blah blah blah im a smart kid just like all the other smart kids in the world.

Well, then these mother fuckers come off of the iron press and onto the fabric rags we had. BAM, wouldn't you fuckin know that everyones colors transformed a little bit from that hot iron press and those third rate public school whorehouse bedsheet rags. All of a sudden there were 30 pink as all gay hell presidents, and one fuckin life like thomas jefferson. we all know who purposefully made the motherfucker orange. ME bitches. so now all the kids who were makin fun of me cryin turn into little namby pamby republicans without blowjobs. and there i am. acting all bill clint with a blunt and a hummer brewin. life was on the up and up. i couldn't tell you 20 words thomas jefferson ever said. i'm not that kind of smart. The kind of smart i am though, will help me tell you that he: fucked slaves, grew hemp, had illegitimate children, rode horses, and had a house named monticello that i've always wanted to visit. I still haven't. I think those things qualify him as a good man and an even better role model to kids. Kids like Joe. Joe's an adult now.

in china, er america, fuck who knows, maybe the mother fucker is on the moon sellin blow to blind kids in a school for parapalegic synchronized swimmers. i dont know. either way though. Joe liked thomas jefferson, thats what made me and him friends. it wasn't the crazy ass drug riled adventures we had funded by way too much money. nor was it the time the cops told us to leave the woods because bears were out, but joe simply explained to the cops "no its okay, let me show you were the leaves look like lava." maybe he said fire, but i think it was lava. either way we were tore the fuck back on mushrooms and jack daniels. but ya, it was never adventures or drugs that united us. just a simple man who died the same day as John Adams.(no not the beer, or the black guy who makes fun of the guy who makes the beer, those are sams.) so ole joe loves thomas jefferson he decides that one day he is going to honor him in the way only a thomas jefferson lover could. he would unfurl a banner that honors everything thomas jefferson honored. Hemp, Slaves, Freedom, and illegitimate children. But "Bong hits 4 slaves, freedom and mother fuckin bastards" was waay too big for the ~16 foot of white butcher paper that joe had. plus he only had a half of a roll of duct tape. so "BONG HiTS 4 JESUS" it was. who the fuck knows if thomas jefferson was christian or not? he seeemed rather blasphemous to me. always whore mongerin and swearing and smoking the doobie reefer.

so joe throws out the banner, in front of the freedom fire, the Olympic torch. supposedly to do it in front of TV cameras. but the funny thing is, is that the only photo/video of the whole incident in circulation was taken by a Mr. Clay Good, Science teacher at JDHS, and a badass jazz drummer. the principal stole the banner, and it eventually made it to washington dc, where it ultimately capped and diminished students freedom's for a long time to come, perhaps till the end of times.
but it didnt die. it will be in the Juneau Parade in less than 36 hours. big fuckin deal. its like the shroud of Turin, its not that cool if its the original, but it is cool to make a cheap knockoff that you can convince to everyone that it is the original. so thats what we shall do. it won't be a perfect duplicate cause joes a fuckin asshole and didnt hold the banner taut enough for clay good to get a 100% straight on shot of it, but we shall do our best. and we're gunna need the following things immediately:

• A Pint of scotch. (if no go, irish whisk, or any non american whisk is kosher)
• a little imagination
• a couple of bong hits (for whoever you want this time, long as you're inhalin)
• a little bit of inside knowledge.

i will provide the inside knowledge, cause i imagine anyone who's still following is either really fuckin high or dumb. or maybe just bored and wanted to read something at work that could get them fired. i do that all the time. either way, i digress...
Here is the photo that Clay Good Snapped. You should be drinking as oft as i am. i've already had two mouthfuls of whiskey, with no chaser. i stopped counting bong hits at 16 years old, im guessing im around the population of china....anywhoo. the little drug ridled female in the red and white outfit, between the red sticks, we're going to assume that she is 5'3", or 63'' tall. shes seems to have an awkward posture going on. it seems like she may be trying to squeeze out a small child, or a big mac fart. so including her illegitmate child/big mac flatulence, we are going to call her an even 5 feet. From the top of her head to the bottom of her straight leg (her right)[poor bitch obviously got a pegleg and a case of gas.] is 103 pixels. so that means to people like me and you, that 60'' is equal to 103 pixels.

all you math fucks, one inch will now equal 1.716667 pixels this is cool. ok, so the banner from the Middle of our right side edge, to the spot on the left where the banner would be if everyone holding it were the same height, and holding taut is 321pixels.so if 60'' equals 103pixels, then X equals 321 pixels. to find X we take a couple more mouthfuls of whiskey(keep up youngins.)The answer is that the banner is 15.582524ft long(186.99029inches)The heigh of the banner above the chick in red and white comes out to 49pixels; this means the height of the banner would be 28.543689inches.


So Time out (for a bonger, and a shot.) what all of this means, is that we now have a referenceable area. which is..... 186.99029Width x 28.543689Height. this is great.now it gets easier, we simply plot a grid upon an area that size. and plot one on the original image that we can use as a rough study.
and then heres another one i skewed out from the banner laying on the ground. ill finish this with a better grid, and step by step instructions on how to make your own bong hits 4 jesus banner that you can unfurl in front of your school, church, or blind offspring.

Personally. i would've said something cooler. like "STOMaCHE PUNCHES 4 PREGGERS"


fuck, i can't believe i just wrote that, whatev let it roll

Down the Youtubes

I didn't forget about Drini what makes you think I'm going to forget about you?

suck me pete wentz.

along the lines of Elginko's fractal blowout symphony i bring you this nugget of joy

Oprah for Prez...I ain't kidding she should join the Dead Prez.

Everyone in Portland eventually looks the same.

I'm sure all the hipsters in Portland don't care that they got the number one draft pick in the NBA. I'm sure they're all worrying about how much they need to wear hoodies, stripe shirts, pose in a certain way and complain about Seattle's Hipsters. I don't really care about Greg Oden that much but at least I care more about him than I do about cafes and Pabst's. If you really want to be hip start drinking HAMM's. It tastes better.

I've been sober for over two weeks now. I'm starting to remember things that I've been blocking out for the past couple of years. Yes that time I was in the sewer playing water polo with the feces of the Olsen Twins and singing Smokey Robinson covers over my bootleg Iphone I got before it was thought of. The stable society is rocking on a hole in our pocket that is burned by the home pregnancy test you need because cocaine and Rubik's cubes don't make a good match just like fireworks and fingers but we still blow them up every year when the time is right.

It's a pallid comparison but the churro is just like a tonfa.

I think I'm going to stay sober for a while. There isn't much point telling your liver to fuck off when you can tell your lungs the same thing and not wake up feeling like the Incredible Hulk just raped 57 countries in their sleep on a pogo stick and a half pipe. What if I don't have another drop of alcohol for the rest of my life? What would that make me? A cold turkey or a warm pussy? Most of my friends drink..well pretty much everyone I know drinks. I'm just going to spend my money on Rambo DVD's and a haircut every week so I can still have someone tell me I need to spend my money in a better fashion.

I saw a headline that said, " Glimpse of the Universe before the big bang!" Way to refute your theory. Is it possible to not by hypocritical when it comes to the BIG theories? I guess you can formulate anything to plug your numbers in and have everyone be OK with it. Hello cosmological constant. If you ever find yourself finding the meaning of life in an outhouse that's about to be relocated you've come to the conclusion that any sort of self worth is drained from eating things that make you diarrhea. Because the only big bang is the one about to happen after you eat Taco Bell and drink 40 ounces of Mountain Dew.I always liked RC Cola but was afraid to admit it because I knew that a lynch mob would form and I would be considered a witch. And we all know what they do with witches nowadays. They become heiresses and teen idols except the teen idols are given magical warlock powers to make the media profusely vomit out falsified information to give you a tabloid hard-on. That's real magic people. The wand of speculation and mistruth will lead us into the next ice age on the fact that the Riders of Lohan will always be more important than what we can see before the dawn of time and how much an arms race isn't anything different than a Greyhound race with little people jockeys running after a mechanical rabbit. Synonymous with rednecks turning left and getting paid to spew out emissions causing the ozone layer to deplete. That ozone layer thing is just an excuse to make you think of something more threatening than Donald Trumps toupee. I'd like to see Jeff Gordon in a foot race with a llama. The Dali Lama that is. Much to my chagrin it's like my dreams of seeing Jesse Jackson at a Klan meeting shooting craps and listening to Lil' John. If I could throw in another stereo type I would but I don't have surround sound and I don't think you would be able to hear all the little things I'm trying to say in between sentences.God is cooler than John Stewart because John Stewart doesn't exist. What you see on Comedy Central is just another mirage the fascist machine is penetrating into your mind. Who really thinks that they are going to win people over by using the good ol', "Fascist machine" trick. Criss Angel couldn't even make that illusion appear real to me. Blah blah blah big brother this and 1984 that. I told a buddy of mine when your getting wasted with people that everyone is talking but nobody is listening. And that my demons is what's true about today. I want more Republic radio so we can have an even cage match with those NPR guerrillas. I don't even know where I stand in that whole matter anyways, I wouldn't know it if I was standing in a pile of dead crows who got caught in the cross fire of a nerf war in Darfur. I don't want to save that place unless they are going to throw a Wal-Mart there and create a concrete jungle. Sudan needs a Starbucks about as much as Bill Gates needs to come out with Virtual Reality porn headsets to save his career. The true meaning of the name Silicon Valley never made more sense than when I just said that. I'm sorry people but I am a true leader. And I would tell everyone that I am a Republican so I can be the face of the devil. Because 666 got changed to 616 get your Mesopotamian translations right. If you don't know what I mean go Google it. Just like you need to Google your homework.

I once bought a ring for someone and threw it into a river while I was blacked out. And the movie trailer for Sunrise is the biggest bullshit I've ever seen.

I like long walks on the beach because if you walk on one long enough you'll either:

a.) Slip on a Jelly Fish
b.) Find a dead whale
c.) Smell the low tide
d.) all of the above except you'll be wearing an one piece made out of syrup.

If you are feeling low or depressed say Calvin Coolidge or Grover Cleveland. Shit works every fucking time. Just don't look in the mirror and say Wanda Sykes three times because you'll get stabbed in the face with a curling iron.

Ginkoffs

No one cared to vote so i guess the finals are in limbo.

Crack Spider

The pope's hangover on a sinking ship.

Nine years old. She was nine years old when jesus saved her. "it was the greatest joy you could ever feel." That terrifies me. Nine year olds already know redemption from rapture in their heart of hearts and believe they are in god's good blessing. I'm twice her age, and haven't had jesus talk to me like that yet. i dont know how that doesnt terrify her. I've heard that the rapture doesn't appear in the bible. i think it would make sense that the individual word wouldn't show up in a modern day translation in english. but it is in there as a greek word: Harpazo. the occurence of one word doesnt really take away from the greater picture. and that picture is:

8 MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKS TILL FOOTBALL.

football is where its at. War should occur as football. The end of times as well. Shit would get settled. I think America would still be a world superpower. We got both the hulk, and maybe the utlimate warrior, if hes still kickin around. We had chris beniot, but he went fuckin insane. No bueno chris beniot. Fuck yes to three languages in that last sentence. Football is the best time of year, minus the 16 hours of darkness for 6 months, and the perpetual drinking that ensues.

So remember, the end of time is neigh, only 8 mother fuckin weeks left. so lighten up, take it easy on the sauce, and read some chuck norris facts instead of all those holy books.