12/23/2008

Falling Apart You Are World


Time quotes this new book, "How to Talk to Girls" by saying this:

On relationships: "Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn't work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind."

The Author's name is Alec Greven. This dude is 9 years old. Someday like all children he will blossom into a young man and receive many gifts from puberty. He is likely to get an onslaught of acne, height disadvantages, and most of all frequent uncontrollable boners. After this stage of development he's most likely to experiment with drugs. Considering he's probably the most popular guy in school now he's going to get laid if he hasn't already. And if he hasn't? He's going to have to get women the old fashion way and not take the advice of his book and use alcohol and drugs. Alec is inevitably going to become a user. And users don't succeed because users' daddies have taken all the money and spent it on daddies new girlfriend that Lil' Mr. Greven has managed to help him get.

For the times now I would say VH1 should pick up this dude for a new reality show. VH1 has more freaks than Fox. Fox has the greatest news station assembled by man and never falsifies it's news and has comprable sources and could never handle the monstrosity that is Alec Greven.

John J.



12/19/2008

Lost Children

Sometimes you have to put baby in a corner so baby can tell you all the glorious things the world has to offer. Don't worry baby I haven't forgotten your milk.

4/24/2008

Fuck you

and you and you and you.

its almost been a month since the last post.

i was in a glass cage of emotion, and i think gink has consumed his weight in hamm's. swine or swill if you will.

bitches.

ill be back, maybe.

-mom.

(dinner's in the fridge, hoe)

3/23/2008

Christ iz ded.

history has a habit of legend...

Apparently a self proclaimed king had hung on a cross for seventy-two hours, give or take. during this arduous ordeal, he succumbed to absolution.



Even a Messiah comes to pass. he was placed to rest within common accord of the time. Here is where absolution comes to pass...

Christ was seen, several times, and in several places, by his most devout of followers. And whilst his most fervent of disciples were blessed by his presence; a convert never laid eyes upon our recently risen prophet.



I do not negate the fact that a supposed magical mystic may have cheated death, only for a parlor trick three days later.


Even more-so, I will defend the right of prophets yet to come to strive for the same ends and means.



I believe that many christians do not believe in christ.

How many confirmed christians take time out of their day to listen to the local heretic preaching prophecy?

I would love to understand the difference between the christ-son and a heretic. furthermore, I question the differences in the christ-child and mohammed; or perhaps abraham or buddha. The Quran mentions the words of christ more-so than the very breath of mohammed himself.



finally...What of the word easter itself. for a rose smells like shit if we called it such.



or something or another.




...I digress... The word easter itself, comes from a pagan holiday. I know, blasphemous, to even assume that the same romans who killed pagans for the christ, named the most revered of holidays after heretics. yet it may be the truth from what I glean. Easter may very well be named after the pagan goddess Eastre, whos celebratory month, happened to occur during easter.



For the History buff’s who believe that history is written by winners, lets look at the Romantics. The name of Passover in Greek, is Pascha, which is derived from the hebrew root pesach; which means, passover, which also happens to be a holiday older than easter itself. and finally... the gospel of John speaks of the Jewish elders not entering the house of Pontius Pilate in order that they may eat passover themselves. John the Baptist himself, the very man that baptised the christ child states in the christian bible (in leviticus) that christ died during passover, which would make his resurrection coincide with passover itself.




what this means to me: I dont care if a magical jew makes you happy, or its a giant fluffy rabbit with magical eggs.



be kind

you have little time left, we’ll all be dead in less than a century, except for the fucks too scared to live.



and don’t hold steadfast hold to education, rarely does it make a man wise.



-wm


and for the offended, aim before you shoot, if you want references, drop me a message, and lets have some discourse.

3/04/2008

Buhleedhat Cyrus

I always talk about how I don't forget things but I I've forgotten some of the ginkfist roots. So I posted a Buhleedhat for those who've forgotten and desired to see him. And I haven't forgotten about the ginkoffs that's coming tomorrow.

2/25/2008

Let's all take a bath in the Kentucky waterfall.

The affinity for Will Farrell will never cease to amaze me. The guy is a hack and hasn't made anything decent. I think he'd be better off doing cameo rolls like he used to. Rob Schneider, now that is a guy with talent. He'll make your gut bust faster than your nut from a lap dance handed down to you by Olivia Munn. I've been in a constant struggle lately on which piece of work made by the hands of god I would want to stalk more. Olivia Munn or Avril Lavigne. I know what you're thinking Avril? For some reason I have a major crush on that raccoon looking bitch and it gives me a halfy every time I think about it. It's not the kind of halfy you get when you think about elderly women flapping their bingo wings on treadmills. Or the halfy you get watching their cankles buckle under the weight of child bearing thighs but more like the halfy you get when you see fresh bacon and French toast smothered in that right amount of syrup.
Now that that spy satellite is dead and the mission was successful I'll tell you the real reason they shot it down. It was because the images they sent back to earth were in HD DVD format. Now the Pentagon has to switch everything to Blu-Ray. But that isn't the secret they are keeping because little do you know they still film smoke signals on beta and send those snail mail with an Indian riding an ostrich. Yes that is also what the Internet is. A bunch of subterranean roads with bird riding redskins clogging up the information highway. Anyways...here are some links.

Avril Fakies(NSFW)

Atomic Bomb of the Middle Ages
Racist Filipino Jokes
Let's rip off the game store!
Kentucky Waterfalls
Fuck the what?
Highlander Episode 1
Political Smurf
What's in John McCain's cheeks?
White Wiki
What an asshole really looks like(SFW)
Stop Snitchin' ya lil' bitch!
Ottowa Jail Report
Britnese

Liberal Northwest America.


This is a picture I took a couple of days ago on my way down to Seattle. It made me think of what if Lance Armstrong was in Terminator 2.

R.I.P. Hamilton.


now there is nothing left to watch.

The glorious leader

I guess the glorious leader let 270 Americans into his desolate country today and half of them are going to play orchestral versions of Free Bird and the Mario Bros. theme. This will end in a firing squad and a feast that welcomes day old Jack in the Box from the Bronx.

2/24/2008

Call me!!!!!!

We've added a call me! button at the bottom of the page that sends your voice mail to a number we registered to grandcentral.com a site that allows you to do this. Send us a voice mail and we'll post it. I'm excited to see how this will work. All you need is your phone number and it connects directly to the number we've provided. I'll be looking forward to hearing what you demons have to say.

Sailor Johnny

2/21/2008

Ginkfist 08'


Buhleedhat Drini 08'

Play for the Raiders.


old news is still the best news.

2/17/2008

How to classify a butt.












i'll blow a faux into the white candy snow

This is the faux hawk edition of Gay or European. You decide. Plus I think faux hawks are the source of all satanic sacrifice and school shootings. Quote me on that when I run for office. Y'know like the one with Michael and Jim and then I start to flirt with Pam and everyone gets jealous office.



2/16/2008

Crystal Balls, Lowdown Girls, and Truck Stops...actually it's the Feb. Ginkoffs!!!









Please vote for the winners!!! Leave a comment or email me at dahghda@gmail.com. an orgy isn't an orgy if it's just me masturbating in the corner...it's about group activity.

2/13/2008

Fuckin honkys.

is it honkie, or honky? honky seems like it. Life sucks. not in the back alley blowjob variety either. i feel like sally struthers was a fat white women saving starving black children in africa. that fat cunt had the audacity to get on my television and ask for over a dollar a day. fuckin fat hoe dont realize that i have $1.42 to my name and dont get paid for a few days. how bout someone sends some women my way to save my fuckin life. I could use a bottle of alcohol that doesnt have the word "malt" on it, and maybe even a blow job. Fuck it, VD's coming up on thursday. I havent spent a single dollar on myself in three weeks. that sucks. i dont count the two 40oz's i bought on monday. I doubt the 6.14 i spent there really would qualify as anything.

I got in a fight last week, or rather i got beat up by a drunken stranger at a wine n cheese party. i messed up my lower back and neck, or rather someone did it for me. I had to go to the hospital because i was feeling worse rather than better. now im feeling better, except i feel worse cause i know this is prolly going to cost at least 200 dollars. and because i dont have jesus as a savior or the word republican on my voting card, im fucked.

I was thinking about becoming a born again christian with a middle american upbringing.
they seem to have money. but im an agnostic military brat from the east coast residing in alaska. its shitty up here right now. the sun doesn't rise until after 7am, and is gone before 5pm. i generally work from 5ish-1ish. that means i only get a chance to see the sun on thursdays and fridays when there is no work to be had. and if del sol does come out, its only to show you that the landlocked town you reside in, now resides under 5 inches of rain water, which is conviently taller than your old converses.

but it could be worse. you could live in darfur, or washington dc. you could be the most powerful man in the world, and still wake up to the fear that the pile of rotting flesh next to you is laura bush. no, not the twilf. the old saggy bags.

2/11/2008

I did indeed have sexual relations.


with ginkfist. Sometimes i forget people read this shit.thats when i rant about deceased foreign nationals. The difference between us and Mitt Romney: we give you every reason to hate us. I wish i got hate mail. I wish i swam tidal waves. I wish HST was alive, and that heath ledger wasn't a cliche. I'd rather make a condi rice joke, than a heath joke. America is trying a soldier for murder in iraq. Thank god. lets blame the executioner and fap to britney.

umm. 666?

2/01/2008

is it too early?

to make fun of heath ledger? its happy hour somewhere...

happy new years? yea, i know its been a minute. i was off shitting the bed and banging the horse, and if it wasnt for the excess of nicotine at the homebase and lack of funds on the home front i'd be still out there. kinda pisses me off how usa has money for its wars, and i dont have any for mine. i think that makes me pro insurgency. it takes creativity to fight when poor. it takes heart and balls just to wake up after a rough night. ask heath. i didnt see him coming. or going?

either way, he seem like a same sex oriented actor and a family oriented guy. now hes just oriented belly up six under, or ash mashed potatoes in someones mantle piece. boring. or serene. either way, tits. if i had i kissed a man in a movie that wasnt porn money. when i go, which i would after making a knights tale; i would have my skull bronzed and affixed to the top of a staff, or is it stave? tenses make me tense. ill go with walking stick. i would have my chrome dome, on the top of some gandalf shit, and my pygmy progeny would revere me with sugar crystal frailty and crystal meth ferver. holy hillbilly heroin. lets see what the ole photoshop mill is brewin for me today:

1/30/2008

Funkmaster fist

And now for your wigga moment of Zen:

I find this image to be the cruel representation of a race that has succeeded in slaying four white chicks on a nice car holding a bottle of alcohol in plastic container. Don't believe me?

There is proof in the pudding and also chunks of corn that I didn't realize I ate the night before. There is also something that I've noticed in this picture. I haven't seen that many nice legs since that octopus I bled ink out of to sign my statements at the bank. You realize that it's because they are young fertile females right? A couple of more years and that liquor is going to turn into Coors light, the keg cup is going to be red, and it's all going to give them cottage cheese thighs. Also the trill of their voices when they scream,"Who wants to party!"(by party I mean railing coke of an antique mirror at daddies beach house) will make their thighs ripple causing a bounce back effect making them bulbous and unattractive. But thanks to wiggers we have an answer as to who these kind of girls go home with. They love bad boys who say bro constantly and it makes their camel toe thirsty for roofies. They all have 4.0 grade averages too. If you forgot about the O.W.(original wigger) here is a picture of him. Name: Torbin Wigger.


try, just try not to find a little nut popping out of those Bill Walton shorts.



i just found that and thought it was creepy. Does he say to Elder H.? I didn't know he was a Mormon as well. And why does he do the military gesture? I'm freaking out and the demons are knocking on my door. my back door.I would rather have sexual relations with goat than have to man up and say I penetrated this tranny. I would not venture into that ruby star fruit for all the clams in bedrock.

I don't forget P. Wentz. You're still gay. More gay than Italian club monkeys, Zac Efron, Clay Aiken 69ing Lance Bass, and Dane Cook all rolled up into a nice little spring roll.







1/27/2008

Nuff' said


In the previous post I thought that the playboy actually looked like it wasn't photoshopped.
Oh yeah I forgot there is an Uncle up there that does your taxes.

It's one of those had to do it when you saw it kind of things


Sorry El' Ginko I had to do it.

Getting Uncled

If we haven't explained this before, getting "Uncled" is a phrase that pertains to sexual abuse or more likely molestation. For instance you can say, "I was Uncled at an early age." and everyone will know what you are talking about. A source of mine to be unnamed stumbled upon an article in The Stranger a Seattle based magazine entitled, "Touched by an Uncle." Now if you know the phrase this article is definitely funnier than Dane Cook. In fact if you stand in one spot in front of a crowd of a million for 93 minutes and at the 94 minute someone drops an anvil onto your head obliterating your existence you'll have a better joke to tell St. Peter than Dane Cook would. Little known fact for pea brains out there Dane Cook is the Pete Wentz of comedy and Pete Wentz is the Pete Wentz of Antichrists.



I'M GOING OLD SCHOOL FOR THIS ONE:

Are there end credits when you die?

Sometimes I'd like to be an extra in a movie. An extra with a mustache and a goon-like demeanor. The whole purpose of that is the fact that I'd really like to get shot on camera. Y'know do the whole body twitch "O" face seizure when you get sprayed with an AK-47 thing. It's a vanity dream but it would make a lot of things in my life seem more meaningful. Instead of watching a movie that gives you false hope that some Philadelphia burnout has a shot at winning the world heavy weight championship in subsequent sequels that gross less money each box office endeavour. I'm not a hater of Rocky though, it always makes me want to fight my old neighbors across the street and shoot bottle rockets at cat butts. I just watched the horrible comedy Accepted. The whole time I was thinking about the love interest and what it meant for her to become an actress and star in that kind of movie. Because if I'm anything like the Mac guy I should be slaying potential down to earth heart breakers every second of every waking moment. Low and behold I have a PC and constantly struggle to get my limp dick into the hard drive to illegally download music software to make shitty music. I think that goes full circle into the vanity thing again. I guess once you figure out you can masturbate the only thing you'll strive to do in in life is please yourself in anyway possible because 98% of the time you are hard at work trying to please others. I could just say fuck them I'm going to do what I want but where does that get you? It gets you a 5th of whiskey and a constant hard on for goals and accomplishments that are so far fetched the dreams in your head have to take Cialis because they don't even know when they can pop up at the right time. I guess what I'm saying is that Kurt Cobain had it right from the get go. Buy yourself a bullet, load it into a gun because either you are going to end up shooting your crack hoe wife one of these days or you are going to turn it around on yourself when you get what you really want out of life. In no way do I condone a course of action that leads to suicide. So put the sling shot down.

This is almost too much of an inside joke. But hey if you know what the stuff originally is you'll have a laugh.

I think these people are having a laugh. It's an eco-friendly dating site. Now if they could come up with a dating site that catered to delusional cynic hypocrite republican player hater geniuses, I'd be the moderator and only let Jennifer Connelly join. At least all those lonely Alaskan Males have a somewhat of a chance. Greenpeace of dhat a$$.

If you don't know what a Tundra Wookie is. It's what some people might explain an Alaskan woman is. I for one have seen many fine Alaskan women. Some reason they can make wearing extratuffs attractive. I've managed to find out that Rosie O'Donnell is the first Tundra Wookie to become famous. I think she spawned the idea for Teen Wolf I'm not sure.






1/25/2008

My name is Lopez e Lopez L


The south may rise again someday but I think dhem knockers wont. General Lee would be proud.

Ourspace Whooker of the day.
I thought Baltimore was thuggin for it's murder rates not for it's plagiarism.
Synthetic Genome created. Skynet calls in late for work.
30,000 people have repeatedly beat their wife and read ginkfist.
Frontman Syndrome
Frontman Syndrome 2.0
I'd count sand on a beach to have 15 seconds of undulating bliss for this
Lyrics to the greatest song. EVER.



Is it even physically possible to take a picture of these two? Doesn't this negate some sort of space-time continuum? I bet it's Gay Gay Abrams who thought of unleashing this Cloverfieldian monstrosity. I'm sure Yao just ate some panda express and them BOOM Will Dung appeared. He's still our 1st ever Ginkoff champion and we are still proud of him but goddamn can my mind be more blown than it is right now?

Speaking of Ginkoffs coming soon probably within the next days I'll actually have one ready and I'll finish it this time. Best one yet. I make more promises than Hollywood execs. I'd be sure to keep these promises if I'd get fellated to keep them. Hint hint.

Are you ready steroid beefcake bootleg c dogs blitzing muttafuquas?