Ginkfist.

Friggin Hearies

2010-01-04T15:55:00.003-09:00

happy new year shitstains.

2009-12-30T23:19:00.002-09:00

Twiggies

2009-12-30T18:30:00.005-09:00

OBESITY STATISTICS:

3 million people in America are obese
Of those 3 million I for one brush my teeth with bacon grease.
The United States has approx 12,500 McDonald's Restaurants.
I have eaten over 12,500 Chicken McNuggets.
Mississippi is considered the fattest American state.
I piss high fructose corn syrup into Mississippi River.
Fat people are harder to kidnap
I get harder from fat people.
34% of Americans agree "that big is beautiful"
I agree. And so does the 900 Club.

Animal Collective Sucks. you too pabsts...

2009-12-30T17:14:00.005-09:00

Total hipster domination. I can't believe you listen to this shit you damned hipsters. I can't believe that you believe I should be listening to this. This is the only collective you should be listening to. I saw these fags at the Sasquatch music festival and let me tell you I haven't seen so many hipster hard-ons since I went to that American Apparel donkey show. Honestly I don't know how many times I've talked to someone about them and they try and justify their greatness by saying their earlier albums are the ones to listen to. Really? That's your best argument? Listening to this shit is like that time I heard your uncle color commentate beastiality tapes like Bill Walton. Wait a second...that could probably win a Grammy. Listening to this shit is like that time I heard those bootleg Leo Sayer acoustic casino performances on repeat remixed to the bpm of a sumo wrestler that has sleep apnea. Wait a second...that could also win a Grammy. I'm at a loss for words. I feel like a hate crime has been committed against me when I think about this whole Animal Collective situation. This hipster shit better end quick like hammer pants. Aaaaand please don't let me get started on you dub-steppers. I can at least tolerate it but you'll soon be on my Hyphy list.

I Swear I Fell Down The Stairs

2009-12-29T20:18:00.002-09:00

Citizen Kanye

2009-12-29T20:04:00.004-09:00

"Yo Cameron, I'm really happy for you.

I'm gonna let you finish, but Welles had

one of the best movies of all time!"

Latest Heat.

2009-12-29T16:09:00.002-09:00

Been listenin' the human league and found out it wasn't 1981 anymore. I think that i'm back do you? I know I keep saying that but...will a bootleg bring it all back?

If your standing on your head

2009-03-05T02:52:00.002-09:00

and reading this god damned abomination upsides down... up next are some photos of current events i've missed in the last 52wks.

sanatorium

2009-03-05T02:41:00.002-09:00

Im back?... i don't think this is something you go back too...relapse?

I've relapsed!

and i loathe life. its taken some time, but its winter, and i hate most of you... all of you, i've broken it down as such:

76.2% of women over the age of 58 need to wear bowling shoes during a marathon on an ice rink. only the top 3 live.

64.5% are prolly a waste of energy....do us all a favor and contribute to the next big bang...early, with a lil bang?!?

666% of people dont drink....well fuck them. satanic fucks.

100% of hangovers are pure bullshit, but they weed out the weak, think about during the coffee cigarette shit ritual every monday.

110% is how much people give, when they take from someone else.

%d is a variable i use a lot to make my life easier...can't help it, im a fuckin nerd, i also dig 8 bit music and graphics, neil young, drinkin beer while talking about unix.

I really do think people should all switch to slax4. we'd have that shit down concrete... i first hit it over a decade ago, and im hooked...fuck compositing.

It's Quantum Bitches.

2009-01-03T23:25:00.003-09:00

Make em say uhhhh Stephen.

Falling Apart You Are World

2008-12-23T16:11:00.004-09:00

Time quotes this new book, "How to Talk to Girls" by saying this:

On relationships: "Sometimes, you get a girl to like you, then she ditches you. Life is hard, move on! Or sometimes it just doesn't work out. I had a crush on a girl in preschool. Then my family had to move, so I had to let her wash out of my mind."

The Author's name is Alec Greven. This dude is 9 years old. Someday like all children he will blossom into a young man and receive many gifts from puberty. He is likely to get an onslaught of acne, height disadvantages, and most of all frequent uncontrollable boners. After this stage of development he's most likely to experiment with drugs. Considering he's probably the most popular guy in school now he's going to get laid if he hasn't already. And if he hasn't? He's going to have to get women the old fashion way and not take the advice of his book and use alcohol and drugs. Alec is inevitably going to become a user. And users don't succeed because users' daddies have taken all the money and spent it on daddies new girlfriend that Lil' Mr. Greven has managed to help him get.

For the times now I would say VH1 should pick up this dude for a new reality show. VH1 has more freaks than Fox. Fox has the greatest news station assembled by man and never falsifies it's news and has comprable sources and could never handle the monstrosity that is Alec Greven.

John J.

2008-12-23T16:08:00.002-09:00

Lost Children

2008-12-19T02:39:00.000-09:00

Sometimes you have to put baby in a corner so baby can tell you all the glorious things the world has to offer. Don't worry baby I haven't forgotten your milk.

Fuck you

2008-04-24T03:45:00.001-08:00

and you and you and you.

its almost been a month since the last post.

i was in a glass cage of emotion, and i think gink has consumed his weight in hamm's. swine or swill if you will.

bitches.

ill be back, maybe.

-mom.

(dinner's in the fridge, hoe)

Christ iz ded.

2008-03-23T06:52:00.002-08:00

history has a habit of legend...

Apparently a self proclaimed king had hung on a cross for seventy-two hours, give or take. during this arduous ordeal, he succumbed to absolution.

Even a Messiah comes to pass. he was placed to rest within common accord of the time. Here is where absolution comes to pass...

Christ was seen, several times, and in several places, by his most devout of followers. And whilst his most fervent of disciples were blessed by his presence; a convert never laid eyes upon our recently risen prophet.

I do not negate the fact that a supposed magical mystic may have cheated death, only for a parlor trick three days later.

Even more-so, I will defend the right of prophets yet to come to strive for the same ends and means.

I believe that many christians do not believe in christ.

How many confirmed christians take time out of their day to listen to the local heretic preaching prophecy?

I would love to understand the difference between the christ-son and a heretic. furthermore, I question the differences in the christ-child and mohammed; or perhaps abraham or buddha. The Quran mentions the words of christ more-so than the very breath of mohammed himself.

finally...What of the word easter itself. for a rose smells like shit if we called it such.

or something or another.

...I digress... The word easter itself, comes from a pagan holiday. I know, blasphemous, to even assume that the same romans who killed pagans for the christ, named the most revered of holidays after heretics. yet it may be the truth from what I glean. Easter may very well be named after the pagan goddess Eastre, whos celebratory month, happened to occur during easter.

For the History buff’s who believe that history is written by winners, lets look at the Romantics. The name of Passover in Greek, is Pascha, which is derived from the hebrew root pesach; which means, passover, which also happens to be a holiday older than easter itself. and finally... the gospel of John speaks of the Jewish elders not entering the house of Pontius Pilate in order that they may eat passover themselves. John the Baptist himself, the very man that baptised the christ child states in the christian bible (in leviticus) that christ died during passover, which would make his resurrection coincide with passover itself.

what this means to me: I dont care if a magical jew makes you happy, or its a giant fluffy rabbit with magical eggs.

be kind

you have little time left, we’ll all be dead in less than a century, except for the fucks too scared to live.

and don’t hold steadfast hold to education, rarely does it make a man wise.

-wm

and for the offended, aim before you shoot, if you want references, drop me a message, and lets have some discourse.

Buhleedhat Cyrus

2008-03-04T23:17:00.001-09:00

I always talk about how I don't forget things but I I've forgotten some of the ginkfist roots. So I posted a Buhleedhat for those who've forgotten and desired to see him. And I haven't forgotten about the ginkoffs that's coming tomorrow.

Let's all take a bath in the Kentucky waterfall.

2008-02-25T21:47:00.004-09:00

The affinity for Will Farrell will never cease to amaze me. The guy is a hack and hasn't made anything decent. I think he'd be better off doing cameo rolls like he used to. Rob Schneider, now that is a guy with talent. He'll make your gut bust faster than your nut from a lap dance handed down to you by Olivia Munn. I've been in a constant struggle lately on which piece of work made by the hands of god I would want to stalk more. Olivia Munn or Avril Lavigne. I know what you're thinking Avril? For some reason I have a major crush on that raccoon looking bitch and it gives me a halfy every time I think about it. It's not the kind of halfy you get when you think about elderly women flapping their bingo wings on treadmills. Or the halfy you get watching their cankles buckle under the weight of child bearing thighs but more like the halfy you get when you see fresh bacon and French toast smothered in that right amount of syrup.
Now that that spy satellite is dead and the mission was successful I'll tell you the real reason they shot it down. It was because the images they sent back to earth were in HD DVD format. Now the Pentagon has to switch everything to Blu-Ray. But that isn't the secret they are keeping because little do you know they still film smoke signals on beta and send those snail mail with an Indian riding an ostrich. Yes that is also what the Internet is. A bunch of subterranean roads with bird riding redskins clogging up the information highway. Anyways...here are some links.

Avril Fakies(NSFW)
Atomic Bomb of the Middle Ages
Racist Filipino Jokes
Let's rip off the game store!
Kentucky Waterfalls
Fuck the what?
Highlander Episode 1
Political Smurf
What's in John McCain's cheeks?
White Wiki
What an asshole really looks like(SFW)
Stop Snitchin' ya lil' bitch!
Ottowa Jail Report
Britnese

Liberal Northwest America.

2008-02-25T17:40:00.003-09:00

This is a picture I took a couple of days ago on my way down to Seattle. It made me think of what if Lance Armstrong was in Terminator 2.

R.I.P. Hamilton.

2008-02-25T16:54:00.002-09:00

now there is nothing left to watch.

The glorious leader

2008-02-25T08:14:00.002-09:00

I guess the glorious leader let 270 Americans into his desolate country today and half of them are going to play orchestral versions of Free Bird and the Mario Bros. theme. This will end in a firing squad and a feast that welcomes day old Jack in the Box from the Bronx.

Call me!!!!!!

2008-02-24T21:54:00.003-09:00

We've added a call me! button at the bottom of the page that sends your voice mail to a number we registered to grandcentral.com a site that allows you to do this. Send us a voice mail and we'll post it. I'm excited to see how this will work. All you need is your phone number and it connects directly to the number we've provided. I'll be looking forward to hearing what you demons have to say.

Sailor Johnny

2008-02-24T19:52:00.000-09:00

Ginkfist 08'

2008-02-21T19:03:00.004-09:00

Buhleedhat Drini 08'

Play for the Raiders.

2008-02-21T16:43:00.002-09:00

old news is still the best news.

How to classify a butt.

2008-02-17T00:30:00.005-09:00

i'll blow a faux into the white candy snow

2008-02-17T00:00:00.003-09:00

This is the faux hawk edition of Gay or European. You decide. Plus I think faux hawks are the source of all satanic sacrifice and school shootings. Quote me on that when I run for office. Y'know like the one with Michael and Jim and then I start to flirt with Pam and everyone gets jealous office.

Crystal Balls, Lowdown Girls, and Truck Stops...actually it's the Feb. Ginkoffs!!!

2008-02-16T08:48:00.007-09:00

Please vote for the winners!!! Leave a comment or email me at dahghda@gmail.com. an orgy isn't an orgy if it's just me masturbating in the corner...it's about group activity.

Fuckin honkys.

2008-02-13T01:08:00.002-09:00

is it honkie, or honky? honky seems like it. Life sucks. not in the back alley blowjob variety either. i feel like sally struthers was a fat white women saving starving black children in africa. that fat cunt had the audacity to get on my television and ask for over a dollar a day. fuckin fat hoe dont realize that i have $1.42 to my name and dont get paid for a few days. how bout someone sends some women my way to save my fuckin life. I could use a bottle of alcohol that doesnt have the word "malt" on it, and maybe even a blow job. Fuck it, VD's coming up on thursday. I havent spent a single dollar on myself in three weeks. that sucks. i dont count the two 40oz's i bought on monday. I doubt the 6.14 i spent there really would qualify as anything.

I got in a fight last week, or rather i got beat up by a drunken stranger at a wine n cheese party. i messed up my lower back and neck, or rather someone did it for me. I had to go to the hospital because i was feeling worse rather than better. now im feeling better, except i feel worse cause i know this is prolly going to cost at least 200 dollars. and because i dont have jesus as a savior or the word republican on my voting card, im fucked.

I was thinking about becoming a born again christian with a middle american upbringing.
they seem to have money. but im an agnostic military brat from the east coast residing in alaska. its shitty up here right now. the sun doesn't rise until after 7am, and is gone before 5pm. i generally work from 5ish-1ish. that means i only get a chance to see the sun on thursdays and fridays when there is no work to be had. and if del sol does come out, its only to show you that the landlocked town you reside in, now resides under 5 inches of rain water, which is conviently taller than your old converses.

but it could be worse. you could live in darfur, or washington dc. you could be the most powerful man in the world, and still wake up to the fear that the pile of rotting flesh next to you is laura bush. no, not the twilf. the old saggy bags.

I did indeed have sexual relations.

2008-02-11T02:30:00.000-09:00

with ginkfist. Sometimes i forget people read this shit.thats when i rant about deceased foreign nationals. The difference between us and Mitt Romney: we give you every reason to hate us. I wish i got hate mail. I wish i swam tidal waves. I wish HST was alive, and that heath ledger wasn't a cliche. I'd rather make a condi rice joke, than a heath joke. America is trying a soldier for murder in iraq. Thank god. lets blame the executioner and fap to britney.

umm. 666?

is it too early?

2008-02-01T12:18:00.000-09:00

to make fun of heath ledger? its happy hour somewhere...

happy new years? yea, i know its been a minute. i was off shitting the bed and banging the horse, and if it wasnt for the excess of nicotine at the homebase and lack of funds on the home front i'd be still out there. kinda pisses me off how usa has money for its wars, and i dont have any for mine. i think that makes me pro insurgency. it takes creativity to fight when poor. it takes heart and balls just to wake up after a rough night. ask heath. i didnt see him coming. or going?

either way, he seem like a same sex oriented actor and a family oriented guy. now hes just oriented belly up six under, or ash mashed potatoes in someones mantle piece. boring. or serene. either way, tits. if i had i kissed a man in a movie that wasnt porn money. when i go, which i would after making a knights tale; i would have my skull bronzed and affixed to the top of a staff, or is it stave? tenses make me tense. ill go with walking stick. i would have my chrome dome, on the top of some gandalf shit, and my pygmy progeny would revere me with sugar crystal frailty and crystal meth ferver. holy hillbilly heroin. lets see what the ole photoshop mill is brewin for me today:

Funkmaster fist

2008-01-30T21:12:00.000-09:00

And now for your wigga moment of Zen:

I find this image to be the cruel representation of a race that has succeeded in slaying four white chicks on a nice car holding a bottle of alcohol in plastic container. Don't believe me?

There is proof in the pudding and also chunks of corn that I didn't realize I ate the night before. There is also something that I've noticed in this picture. I haven't seen that many nice legs since that octopus I bled ink out of to sign my statements at the bank. You realize that it's because they are young fertile females right? A couple of more years and that liquor is going to turn into Coors light, the keg cup is going to be red, and it's all going to give them cottage cheese thighs. Also the trill of their voices when they scream,"Who wants to party!"(by party I mean railing coke of an antique mirror at daddies beach house) will make their thighs ripple causing a bounce back effect making them bulbous and unattractive. But thanks to wiggers we have an answer as to who these kind of girls go home with. They love bad boys who say bro constantly and it makes their camel toe thirsty for roofies. They all have 4.0 grade averages too. If you forgot about the O.W.(original wigger) here is a picture of him. Name: Torbin Wigger.

try, just try not to find a little nut popping out of those Bill Walton shorts.

i just found that and thought it was creepy. Does he say to Elder H.? I didn't know he was a Mormon as well. And why does he do the military gesture? I'm freaking out and the demons are knocking on my door. my back door.I would rather have sexual relations with goat than have to man up and say I penetrated this tranny. I would not venture into that ruby star fruit for all the clams in bedrock.

I don't forget P. Wentz. You're still gay. More gay than Italian club monkeys, Zac Efron, Clay Aiken 69ing Lance Bass, and Dane Cook all rolled up into a nice little spring roll.

Nuff' said

2008-01-27T22:57:00.000-09:00

In the previous post I thought that the playboy actually looked like it wasn't photoshopped.
Oh yeah I forgot there is an Uncle up there that does your taxes.

It's one of those had to do it when you saw it kind of things

2008-01-27T22:54:00.001-09:00

Sorry El' Ginko I had to do it.

Getting Uncled

2008-01-27T21:35:00.000-09:00

If we haven't explained this before, getting "Uncled" is a phrase that pertains to sexual abuse or more likely molestation. For instance you can say, "I was Uncled at an early age." and everyone will know what you are talking about. A source of mine to be unnamed stumbled upon an article in The Stranger a Seattle based magazine entitled, "Touched by an Uncle." Now if you know the phrase this article is definitely funnier than Dane Cook. In fact if you stand in one spot in front of a crowd of a million for 93 minutes and at the 94 minute someone drops an anvil onto your head obliterating your existence you'll have a better joke to tell St. Peter than Dane Cook would. Little known fact for pea brains out there Dane Cook is the Pete Wentz of comedy and Pete Wentz is the Pete Wentz of Antichrists.

I'M GOING OLD SCHOOL FOR THIS ONE:

Are there end credits when you die?

2008-01-27T20:51:00.000-09:00

Sometimes I'd like to be an extra in a movie. An extra with a mustache and a goon-like demeanor. The whole purpose of that is the fact that I'd really like to get shot on camera. Y'know do the whole body twitch "O" face seizure when you get sprayed with an AK-47 thing. It's a vanity dream but it would make a lot of things in my life seem more meaningful. Instead of watching a movie that gives you false hope that some Philadelphia burnout has a shot at winning the world heavy weight championship in subsequent sequels that gross less money each box office endeavour. I'm not a hater of Rocky though, it always makes me want to fight my old neighbors across the street and shoot bottle rockets at cat butts. I just watched the horrible comedy Accepted. The whole time I was thinking about the love interest and what it meant for her to become an actress and star in that kind of movie. Because if I'm anything like the Mac guy I should be slaying potential down to earth heart breakers every second of every waking moment. Low and behold I have a PC and constantly struggle to get my limp dick into the hard drive to illegally download music software to make shitty music. I think that goes full circle into the vanity thing again. I guess once you figure out you can masturbate the only thing you'll strive to do in in life is please yourself in anyway possible because 98% of the time you are hard at work trying to please others. I could just say fuck them I'm going to do what I want but where does that get you? It gets you a 5th of whiskey and a constant hard on for goals and accomplishments that are so far fetched the dreams in your head have to take Cialis because they don't even know when they can pop up at the right time. I guess what I'm saying is that Kurt Cobain had it right from the get go. Buy yourself a bullet, load it into a gun because either you are going to end up shooting your crack hoe wife one of these days or you are going to turn it around on yourself when you get what you really want out of life. In no way do I condone a course of action that leads to suicide. So put the sling shot down.

This is almost too much of an inside joke. But hey if you know what the stuff originally is you'll have a laugh.

I think these people are having a laugh. It's an eco-friendly dating site. Now if they could come up with a dating site that catered to delusional cynic hypocrite republican player hater geniuses, I'd be the moderator and only let Jennifer Connelly join. At least all those lonely Alaskan Males have a somewhat of a chance. Greenpeace of dhat a$$.

If you don't know what a Tundra Wookie is. It's what some people might explain an Alaskan woman is. I for one have seen many fine Alaskan women. Some reason they can make wearing extratuffs attractive. I've managed to find out that Rosie O'Donnell is the first Tundra Wookie to become famous. I think she spawned the idea for Teen Wolf I'm not sure.

Probably the best video ever. Except for the Olivia Mojica sex tape which will never be released.

2008-01-26T11:19:00.000-09:00

My name is Lopez e Lopez L

2008-01-25T23:04:00.000-09:00

The south may rise again someday but I think dhem knockers wont. General Lee would be proud.

Ourspace Whooker of the day.
I thought Baltimore was thuggin for it's murder rates not for it's plagiarism.
Synthetic Genome created. Skynet calls in late for work.
30,000 people have repeatedly beat their wife and read ginkfist.
Frontman Syndrome
Frontman Syndrome 2.0
I'd count sand on a beach to have 15 seconds of undulating bliss for this
Lyrics to the greatest song. EVER.

Is it even physically possible to take a picture of these two? Doesn't this negate some sort of space-time continuum? I bet it's Gay Gay Abrams who thought of unleashing this Cloverfieldian monstrosity. I'm sure Yao just ate some panda express and them BOOM Will Dung appeared. He's still our 1st ever Ginkoff champion and we are still proud of him but goddamn can my mind be more blown than it is right now?

Speaking of Ginkoffs coming soon probably within the next days I'll actually have one ready and I'll finish it this time. Best one yet. I make more promises than Hollywood execs. I'd be sure to keep these promises if I'd get fellated to keep them. Hint hint.

Are you ready steroid beefcake bootleg c dogs blitzing muttafuquas?

2008-01-25T22:56:00.000-09:00

I just watched a metal documentary and shredded my axe until W.A.S.P retired.

2008-01-25T22:41:00.001-09:00

This picture cannot be explained with mere human words but a representation of the Japanese Hello Kitty air guitarist I like to call Mushi "Sushi" Mushi or Samurai Sake.

And in the likeness of butt rock metal slashing pentatonic scales out of existence I bring you the hottest new double bass pedal dictators of rock:

I haven't photoshopped in a while so please bear with me here.
I'm working on an amalgamation of Katherine McPhee's lovely fun bags and a large hadron collision thingy. It should be fun considering the fact I'm not choosing to blow my money on copious amounts of alcohol and failed attempts to pick up some drunk hippie in which I have no intention of talking to her about soy products and blue whales.

I'm not a racist...but like I said I hate Kanye and white people.

2008-01-25T21:54:00.000-09:00

this is Jiggachu. He's a Negromon. I'm sorry I had to do it. It was either that or a Heath Ledger photoshop and i didn't want to do that because the native fellow in Dances with Wolves says not to speak of the dead because it's disrespectful. My Greek name is Hypocrates so I guess that makes me a hypocrite. But definitely not a racists. I am a sexist and I believe that if women's rights didn't exist the word rape would have never been conceived. Ok I think the hole is about six feet deep and I'm just going to lie there. Kick dirt in my face........it gives me a hard on.

I've been redirected here because of the Cosmos and the infinite struggle with making a template.

2008-01-24T17:11:00.000-09:00

I don't know how to make a template but I know how to use Photoshop. Every time I try to attempt to make a template I figure out that I don't know shit about shit. Actually I know what shit is and fecal matter can sometimes in certain instances become sexy. I have no idea why. It just is.

I guess since our leave of absence a lot of things have been happening around the world that we haven't been able to inform you. Fuck if anyone is even reading this I feel sorry for them because I know in fact their herpes and or hemoriods haven't cleared. Let's see here...of course you know Heath Ledger died and American Gladiators is back on the tube. Photogs have become photog subjects. Ain't that some bullshit. I'm out here taking pictures of celebrity snatch and boom I become celebrity snatch over night because some crazy celebrity snatch is snatching me and I don't mind being snatched because rich snatch is most definitely better than poor ass trying to make my way through college eating top ramen and boozing it with the brewers at Coor's Light snatch. I'm going to ginkfist Enya and try to get this shit back to its usual state.

P.S.
Coachella's lineup this year makes me fist baby snatch every moment I think of it. And Adam Sessler's gay magic is a lot stronger and willing than Zach Efrons.

P.S. you cocklovers

2007-12-17T06:25:00.001-09:00

Regardless of what gink says, the BBC version is the only one worth watching,.

Stay gold, whisk.

2007-12-17T06:10:00.000-09:00

happy holidays. fags. i hope you get everything you wish for. heres my list of wishes, feel free to fulfil:

a keyboard that doesnt stick on NVIT ad ay other mportat letters
nvidia drivers for puppy3.
for my friends and family to volunteer and laugh at those more fortunate than us.

thats it. lemme know what you guys want, if its feasible, its done. even if its us postin again. I havent seen gink in a while, dont think hes fuckin tranny's just yet, so we have time. I dont know what the fuck i've been up to. i suppose drinkin and lamenting, but im par for the course. maybe ill post moe later when my keyboard isnt fustraing me by stiking and fuckng up eeything am typing.

Tila Hung

2007-12-05T18:45:00.001-09:00

shitty photoshop for a shitty person. i personally think the hybrid would save lives, cure cancer and tell Kanye West to his face that he is the Version 2.o of Puff Daddy. Peace.

P.S. The template isn't up and we aren't posting because El Ginko is shoulder deep into some donkey butt and I've been trying to finish an album before the new year. I promise you we aren't on a writers strike that's for the assholes who will never finish a good season of heroes. Or the office.

Pictures in a second.

2007-11-21T08:44:00.000-09:00

or like 4 years if you are on bobby/whitney/Rush limbaugh time.

As dust becomes us.

2007-11-21T07:41:00.000-09:00

Hold your applause, our return may be only to suck and pretend we're haters quitters and nappy weaves.

with that out of that way, hullo. how are things with you? with us, things have been swell i believe. we're still driving bush and the infidels out of the desert, and me and gink both have enough booze to ~~last until walt disney is thawed out.~~
last until America attacks another arabian country.

as to how what we've been up to? not sure. my computer dropped like an aborted fetus. and gink's is lookin like magic fightin the H-I-V, except his computer isn't a billionaire(I think it is black though). I think both of us will pull through though. Gink's been makin a lot of music, whiile ive been makin a lot of excuses. shit happens, get off our backs. i think our problems our the same:

Whiskey, a fifth isnt enough, a half is too much
Women, apparently she's not a "girlfriend" if you "pay for it"
it - seriously, we photoshop the pope, and dead people, fuck us, or fuck you.
technology - We're poor, our allowance goes to nicotine and father mcnaughton.

What brought us back? well, that ones easy. we drink like people who don't like you. And it's winter. I think winter does it for us. Camping, whiskey, vomiting on clothes, only to save them in a bag for a year, I think this one is important. We do winter well. We would do you, well, if you were roofied and naked, but other than that, spare the bullshit. the one thing we need to figure out: the long distance jam. Gink loves to jam, and i like grape jam, homo. but this year, we both have star trek internet, and cobain's shotgun. hey kurt, get deepthroated. I think ill wrap this up and post photo's. But h onestly, I want feedback, tell me who to photoshop, or what old lady to run over, or what uncle needs a lynching. (Not tom, you racist rednecks.) so leave us a comment, or call me at 907-209-0207, seriously, 24 hours a day. and if your scared to talk to me, steal one of my favorite past times and order pizza from NY. Who doesn't Love NY style pizza. and Famous rays is the best. I'll call em right now and write what they say:

FR: Allo, Fams raze.
Lgnko: yea, you deliver to juneau?
FR: where?
Lgnko: Alaska you momo
FR: I dont have time to play
Lgnko: well than hate the game momo
*hangs up*

course im not done, cause im not ballin. so we do a simple reverse lookup and see where Famous ray's is located. the number s 1(212)-243-2253.

Theyre on ave of the america's, which i believe is 6th. I havent been to NYC in years, so im not sure. BUT apparently 64 East 8th (above 5th) is a good place for sal to order two large pizza's. Supposedly i wont get em for 45min, cause its lunch in ny.

Ginkfist doesn't hate black people...just Kanye.

2007-10-31T22:30:00.000-08:00

This is what happens when you wash a red shirt with a white one. A proud Homo-African American money making shit factory reppin' nothing but bullshit. An avocado has more talent.

Carry me to Valhalla to the harmony of zen and 12 bar blues.

2007-10-31T22:19:00.000-08:00

It's like a root canal and a circumcision on one puff of DMT.

all good things must come...on a plate served with beans and rice.

2007-08-26T18:44:00.000-08:00

We (by we i mean me) are currently working on a new template for the site. Just trying to beef it up and give it roid rage. Hopefully you haven't thought that we have been sitting in a loft somewhere smoking out of a hooka with some Moonbeams contemplating the astral and ethereal. That was so last year. Every day I try and use hyperbola and balls in the same sentence. I'm smart good looking and highly talented at everything I do. That's why I spend most of my time masturbating. No one can love me like I do.

Trent Reznor rap album

2007-08-14T14:41:00.000-08:00

I couldn't pass this one up

2007-08-11T23:04:00.000-08:00

brady quinn= homo quaterback for the browns.

You aren't going to find any of that here

2007-08-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

While some people are curled up into the fetus position listening to Against Me! and the new Smashing Pumpkins album wallowing in a pile of there own feces and peanut shells I took the time to do a little bit of a sociological study on humanity. And no this study didn't involve my hand an empty janitors closet and an industrial sized tub of Vaseline. It was a look into the world of brainwashing or coercive persuasion. Personally I feel that some of the biggest forms of brainwashing are Republican radio, N.P.R., save Darfur bumper stickers and or graffiti, the words fundamentalism and conservative as well as Indie music, man makeup, Dr. Phil, MTV and die hard Tool fans. The Bible is cool and so is LSD so get over it people. The world wants to unite but not together. They want to unite in little barbaric circles to take back what is rightfully theirs that Rome took away from them in the first place. I hate to use the word oppression but I have to say that the oppressive superimposed values and media that set people off into their tangent is what brainwashes weak minded peoples. Yes the words weak minded, individualism, oppressive, and idealistic are so cliche for this type of conversation that it makes me want to star in a John Cusak movie that Michael Moore faps to on his rascal that he uses for a walking mechanism because he's too fat of an asshole and isn't mobile enough to get his cheese whizz coated Pringles from the fridge. Actually it is hurting me right now to talk about this because there really isn't much to talk about. I smoked a Duracell 9 volt battery in the name of the lord.
I know I don't make a good argument but if I could only roll in deep on some fanatical prayer with my sawed off shotgun and blast every motherfucking Lego made nativity I would. But I can't do that because that would make me a bad man. Though I do confess the urge to do so. I don't want to kill anyone.

THIS IS THE FACE OF A BRAINWASH THIS IS A VIDEO OF THE BRAINWASHED

I don't want you to worry but she is human and the C.I.A didn't do that to her. I'm pretty sure British immigration to Missouri or Kansas or some other Red State fucked that nice little brain of hers real hard with a jack hammer a nice night of daddy drinking whiskey and an old tape of her running around naked in the lawn when she was 18 right after prom and she met the football team.

She's going to grow up to be a strapping young bomb on her chest. Sorry Israel you're probably going to have to deal with that one come puberty. Or she could win a wet burka contest and star in Muslim Maxim showing some sweet ankle and wrist and become internationally famous and she wont have to do any of that self sacrificing stuff. But we know all that wont happen. Jihad weekly comes out more than monthly Maxims.

I'm voting for Limbaugh as Prez and Imus for Vice

2007-08-06T17:35:00.000-08:00

The horror

2007-08-06T16:46:00.001-08:00

He wasn't in my fantasy football

2007-08-05T23:26:00.001-08:00

entertainment that shaped my childhood

2007-08-03T20:01:00.000-08:00

Bolo Yeung changed my perspective in what it was to know what a villainous Chinese madman should be and look like. I also thought he was a Filipino because I grew up around a lot of Filipinos and I liked to see a Filipino that was beating the shit out of other Asians because it looked like his god given right to murder. It was in the Bloodsport that I first laid my little blood hungry eyes on Bolo Yeung and after that it was Enter the Dragon. I personally think he would've killed Bruce Lee by just giving him this face. As a matter of fact I think that is what it says on the autopsy report.

It's muhfuckin' Virtual Boy. This beacon of technological hope enhanced every aspect of my view on heroic companies that churn out nothing but nuggets of greatness. It ultimately taught me the most important lesson in life. To not believe in your heroic companies because they can and will churn out nothing but shit nuggets. A quarter of a half of the time it's great and the other fraction is a fraction of small percentiles that actually buy into the grand scheme of next generation technology that is going to be the forefront of the ongoing neo-evolution in humanity. Sad thing is I never owned one. I just played the demo version that gave me lice in a local grocery store.

Army Men are the perfect toys for the imagination. Unlike G.I. Joe's they don't include moving parts instead they are small victorious plastic molds that scream out,"Charlie in the trees!" or "Die Nazi fuckbag!" Of course these words would be uttered out of the side of your mouth all the while between spewing out little particles of spit making machine gun noises. The practical use of Army Men I found were perfect booby traps for your parents. If you had green shag carpet you could hide them in camouflage so they could step on them barefooted. I always gave props to the flame thrower guy.

TBS was the bona fide shithole station...aside from WGN. Why the fuck would there be a Chicago station in Alaska? It doesn't matter. TBS on the other hand aside from WGN had more shithole shows than one could conjure up with a shithole spell. Shows that spoke true to me like WCW, Captain Planet and Who's the Boss? If any of those shows weren't on I was probably trying to find boobies on HBO's Dream On or praying that some other channel was playing Terminator.

The Big Wheel. While dreaming that someday I would fulfill the prophetic roots of my ancestry by becoming a Hell's Angel I would plop my sweet ass on a big wheel and kick dirt and rocks into the 3 year old's faces. I know I was a late bloomer for training wheels. My first word was asshole and my first sweet ass ride was this beauty. I might of had a generic version that was all black with yellow handles. No sweet decals but a rugged machine that got me from my mailbox to the next ditch at my best friends house. If only it had a gas tank I could hide my drug money inside a tube like Easy Rider but it didn't so I had to hide it in my Velcro Captain Power wallet. The good ol' days reminisced nowadays with a can of Hamm's and a cheap stripper named Charisma.

Welcome to the View Whoopi G.

2007-08-03T19:43:00.001-08:00

J.J. Abrams casted her in the next Star Trek as the "Black Smoke Monster".
(did you get the vague Next Generation reference?)

Chocolate Rain

2007-08-03T17:38:00.001-08:00

Adding more A-holes to my list

2007-08-03T16:49:00.000-08:00

I don't really know what the problem is but I have this feeling when I look at Mr. Quinn that tells me he is one of those guys who secretly hurls unopened Coors light cans at old ladies and then out of the shadows goes and helps them from cardiac arrest and everyone thinks he's a hero for doing it. I'm on to you Brady Bunch. This guy is a poster child for drunken frat boys everywhere. I've seen like twenty clones of this guy standing in the bar talking about god knows what. Usually those types talk about something some other guy said or did and how they could be better at it especially if they had 12 Coors Lights. My ultimate nightmare is seeing this guy in a 69 with Pete Wentz and Mother Teresa in a gimp suit forcing me to watch it. All the while playing Guitar Hero's last level which consists of Nickelback's cover of Freebird backwards. I'm glad this schmuck is on the Cleveland Browns. He's a shit stain on a shit stain team and he's going to throw shit stained footballs.

Colon

2007-08-03T13:02:00.000-08:00

Naturally I would let an apple takes its course but today I decided to throw it in the air and see if it would ever come down. Newton was only right because he was born on Christmas not because he was a genius.

Where we end up.

2007-07-30T03:04:00.000-08:00

isnt always where we will go. im going on vacation in a little bit. Ginkfist has been on vacation for a little bit. sorry about that. I've crawled in and out of the bottle about as many time as Gink's been pregnant. and between the two of us, the crack pipe stays hot. I think we've done ok. we're still above the post a day mark, by quite a stretch. and i think we've offended most of you quite well. some by the content, some from the lack off. I know some of you weird fucks, show up with your dick in your hand and lament, a text passage akin to this one. thats right, i used the word akin. English's teachers of mine: suck my dick, or ill fuck your akin. but not Akon. he's hood. I want to know what people want from ginkfist. whether its the picture of their grandma blowing a poodle, to my grandparents asking that i not bash the pope on good friday. I spare him no quarter. I believe Jesus was a magician. and i think rapture may very well be the end of days for all of us (fuck yea, led zep title, AND arnold schwarzenegger movie title in one quote") It's easy if you try. no hell below us. above us, only HIGH. speakin of. i was at work, and gotdamn, this dude was high on meth. I didnt understand one word he said in 6ix hours. honestly. not like you're at a bar tellin a chick your cock is eight inches "honetsly", like honestly this guy was higher than fuck. I dont agree with that. I believe, in whiskey, and the occasional pot and cigarette. Pot makes me feel like im dyin, and with cigarettes im damn sure i am. I dont know if anyones read this far, but if you have. lemme know. Ill get you drunk, somehow. Ill be in real america next month, lets make it happen. I gotta shit.

Back to your roots.

2007-07-27T06:36:00.001-08:00

i will find a center in you.

speakin of. did anyone else catch the sweet mullet on the dude, doin the wang fu.

who the fuck still wang fu's anyway? i only know of one dude doin wayne fu, and hes super dragon, so no way should anyone wang fu. the art of crazy ninja penis attacks died with john wayne bobitt's rise to porn fame.

i hate when hangover midgets attack, and drink all my water.

sticky doodad.

2007-07-26T13:16:00.001-08:00

Strange beasts

2007-07-26T02:15:00.000-08:00

I wonder how this all happened. people fighting n fucking n such. building bombs and segways.you dont need a segway any more than a war. but people couldnt handle hangin out all day. thats enough to make you blow mother f's up. i think you should blow some people up. like hot chicks who poop, and then become sluts. FUCk. cause you buy her a 12 pack of hamm's fall in love, then you're like great, i fucked a chick who shits. next thing you know shes banging the drunks from the downtown library.I'd bomb over that.

Shiny Shiny people. just drink wine together. at 6am, and discuss the best president, vs the hottest mortal kombat character vs coolest midget in a 3way cage ladder match. with leif and kneebaum playing the background music.

Send food now, these bitches is serious.

2007-07-24T07:40:00.000-08:00

honk if you plow blow. Shutup. its quarter to eight and im lazy. better yet, photoshop your own bullshit and email it to me.elginko@gmail.com I suppose if your ubernerd like me, you can click that link and itll open your mail client. or just copy n paste if your dumb, like Flack I dont think he updates anymore, thats even dumber. Flack=homo4life.

fuck yea.

2007-07-24T07:13:00.000-08:00

well my rss feeder is working. cause it tell's me that Lindsay lowboob got a dui.No not that dui. A new one. the bitch got out of rehab 2 weeks ago, spent an hour in jail last week, and now gets busted with llelo(no its not yayo, tony you dumbfuck, quit rapping.) I wanna marry this beatrice, imagine the trailer parks you could take over. itd be amazing. she doesnt even look like a hot cokehead with big boobs anymore.she looks like me on a hangover, with little boobs.

id still hit it though, for the alimony and child support. i hear her parents are nutty bunches of cokes too. thats cool with me. im dreamin of a white christmas too bitches. picture me rollin.

If you don't know if you're a communist put on American spandex as a testament to your undying loyalty to Democracy.

2007-07-24T00:19:00.001-08:00

Heroes come in many shapes and sizes. This one unfortunately does not appear on NBC this fall.

Back to our roots.

2007-07-23T23:42:00.000-08:00

This ugly act and usage of the helicopter isn't as degrading as this one:

this. simply. is. amazing.
Fuck Mr. Gadget!!!

Break my back twice so the first time makes me think there wont be a second time

2007-07-23T22:12:00.000-08:00

If all else fails in life dictate ever day as if you were an octopus on the wings of a dragon laying eggs on a cemetery so zombie dragons will be born in the twilight of our waning existence to eradicate our hopes of ever coming back from using so much solar power to incinerate our rubbish. Breakfast is better served on a hot plate from a woman who smokes eighty packs of Marlboro's cigarettes before she smokes eighty packs and then smokes eighty more. Life is simple. Don't skateboard on the sand and don't fight four hundred pound Samoans that have been in County because they got caught skateboarding in a place they shouldn't have been.

I will wish to resuscitate life into you demons with the ghost of Pat Morita, but if I want to do this you need to listen to Neil Young's Southern Man while reading this and be racists to racists. It's just too bad his last movie had him acting with Eric Roberts. Because all of those who've witnessed the Kennedy assassination that are now dead that's the outcome of anyone who works with Eric Roberts in a movie. K.I.A.W.W.W.E.R. Yes that stands for Killed In Action While Working With Eric Roberts.

When I pass on I want someone to gink the hell out of me. So I can go to heaven.

The enmity grows with every waking moment. And when I sleep I don't care to dream about Pete Wentz because that would make me gay even if he was in a dream where I was torturing him like Jack Bauer because the very fact that he would even be in a dream mine would make me 13 on the Homo Meter by default.

Just out of curiosity I've always wanted to go to a nudist camp or retreat but be that one guy with a tube sock on my johnson and tell everyone that Captain Willie is agoraphobic. I never did understand why people have this feeling of being naked. Some weird Eden complex overwhelms them into shredding off the clothes and call out to all the hippies and major bush to let it be free. I guess I wouldn't mind it if every chick was brunette and wanted to bring their Brazilian and Italian bodies drenched in chocolate sex oil for a nice round of twister. Yes there are no males in my nudist camp. But you know some guys have the excuse, "Oh honey I just happened to fall into her!" is the explanation of this nudist mishap below: I put together an image below this mound of herpes that explains what just happened here.

Hell yeah peeps! They fell into the Homey Train. Get your local slut to submit to the most degrading bootcake event of the century and blast that bitch into a Homey Train.

by the way bootcake means Bukkake. Feel the liberty to use this phrase when ever just quote ginkfist.

I've recently been getting into Black Metal

2007-07-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

How to quote thomas Jefferson:

2007-07-03T06:31:00.000-08:00

I hold it, that a little rebellion, now and then, is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical.

now i dont know if this is the exact quote Joe used. but i've personally liked it for a few. and plus thomas jefferson's the man. he was my favorite president until bill clinton, and i grew up in regan years. i did a wax crayon drawing of him in 3rd grade, that came out this pukey orange on the wax paper transfer, so i cried. it was mrs miller's class, i always wanted to stick it to her, even before i knew that shit was cool. (way before Teachers gone wild.) so back to my wadded up panties and throwing a bitch fit on the floor because i had an orange thomas jefferson who was my favorite old man besides my grandfather until another old man got a blowjob at work from monica, after my grandfather died. so hear i am carrying on like a tampax ad during the superbowl, with mrs. miller consoling me. i cheered up and probably even had a little 3rd grade bone goin. who knows. not me. so she convinces me that its artistic and blah blah blah im a smart kid just like all the other smart kids in the world.

Well, then these mother fuckers come off of the iron press and onto the fabric rags we had. BAM, wouldn't you fuckin know that everyones colors transformed a little bit from that hot iron press and those third rate public school whorehouse bedsheet rags. All of a sudden there were 30 pink as all gay hell presidents, and one fuckin life like thomas jefferson. we all know who purposefully made the motherfucker orange. ME bitches. so now all the kids who were makin fun of me cryin turn into little namby pamby republicans without blowjobs. and there i am. acting all bill clint with a blunt and a hummer brewin. life was on the up and up. i couldn't tell you 20 words thomas jefferson ever said. i'm not that kind of smart. The kind of smart i am though, will help me tell you that he: fucked slaves, grew hemp, had illegitimate children, rode horses, and had a house named monticello that i've always wanted to visit. I still haven't. I think those things qualify him as a good man and an even better role model to kids. Kids like Joe. Joe's an adult now.

in china, er america, fuck who knows, maybe the mother fucker is on the moon sellin blow to blind kids in a school for parapalegic synchronized swimmers. i dont know. either way though. Joe liked thomas jefferson, thats what made me and him friends. it wasn't the crazy ass drug riled adventures we had funded by way too much money. nor was it the time the cops told us to leave the woods because bears were out, but joe simply explained to the cops "no its okay, let me show you were the leaves look like lava." maybe he said fire, but i think it was lava. either way we were tore the fuck back on mushrooms and jack daniels. but ya, it was never adventures or drugs that united us. just a simple man who died the same day as John Adams.(no not the beer, or the black guy who makes fun of the guy who makes the beer, those are sams.) so ole joe loves thomas jefferson he decides that one day he is going to honor him in the way only a thomas jefferson lover could. he would unfurl a banner that honors everything thomas jefferson honored. Hemp, Slaves, Freedom, and illegitimate children. But "Bong hits 4 slaves, freedom and mother fuckin bastards" was waay too big for the ~16 foot of white butcher paper that joe had. plus he only had a half of a roll of duct tape. so "BONG HiTS 4 JESUS" it was. who the fuck knows if thomas jefferson was christian or not? he seeemed rather blasphemous to me. always whore mongerin and swearing and smoking the doobie reefer.

so joe throws out the banner, in front of the freedom fire, the Olympic torch. supposedly to do it in front of TV cameras. but the funny thing is, is that the only photo/video of the whole incident in circulation was taken by a Mr. Clay Good, Science teacher at JDHS, and a badass jazz drummer. the principal stole the banner, and it eventually made it to washington dc, where it ultimately capped and diminished students freedom's for a long time to come, perhaps till the end of times.
but it didnt die. it will be in the Juneau Parade in less than 36 hours. big fuckin deal. its like the shroud of Turin, its not that cool if its the original, but it is cool to make a cheap knockoff that you can convince to everyone that it is the original. so thats what we shall do. it won't be a perfect duplicate cause joes a fuckin asshole and didnt hold the banner taut enough for clay good to get a 100% straight on shot of it, but we shall do our best. and we're gunna need the following things immediately:

A Pint of scotch. (if no go, irish whisk, or any non american whisk is kosher)
a little imagination
a couple of bong hits (for whoever you want this time, long as you're inhalin)
a little bit of inside knowledge.

i will provide the inside knowledge, cause i imagine anyone who's still following is either really fuckin high or dumb. or maybe just bored and wanted to read something at work that could get them fired. i do that all the time. either way, i digress...
Here is the photo that Clay Good Snapped. You should be drinking as oft as i am. i've already had two mouthfuls of whiskey, with no chaser. i stopped counting bong hits at 16 years old, im guessing im around the population of china....anywhoo. the little drug ridled female in the red and white outfit, between the red sticks, we're going to assume that she is 5'3", or 63'' tall. shes seems to have an awkward posture going on. it seems like she may be trying to squeeze out a small child, or a big mac fart. so including her illegitmate child/big mac flatulence, we are going to call her an even 5 feet. From the top of her head to the bottom of her straight leg (her right)[poor bitch obviously got a pegleg and a case of gas.] is 103 pixels. so that means to people like me and you, that 60'' is equal to 103 pixels.

all you math fucks, one inch will now equal 1.716667 pixels this is cool. ok, so the banner from the Middle of our right side edge, to the spot on the left where the banner would be if everyone holding it were the same height, and holding taut is 321pixels.so if 60'' equals 103pixels, then X equals 321 pixels. to find X we take a couple more mouthfuls of whiskey(keep up youngins.)The answer is that the banner is 15.582524ft long(186.99029inches)The heigh of the banner above the chick in red and white comes out to 49pixels; this means the height of the banner would be 28.543689inches.

So Time out (for a bonger, and a shot.) what all of this means, is that we now have a referenceable area. which is..... 186.99029Width x 28.543689Height. this is great.now it gets easier, we simply plot a grid upon an area that size. and plot one on the original image that we can use as a rough study.
and then heres another one i skewed out from the banner laying on the ground. ill finish this with a better grid, and step by step instructions on how to make your own bong hits 4 jesus banner that you can unfurl in front of your school, church, or blind offspring.

Personally. i would've said something cooler. like "STOMaCHE PUNCHES 4 PREGGERS"

fuck, i can't believe i just wrote that, whatev let it roll

Down the Youtubes

2007-07-02T22:57:00.001-08:00

I didn't forget about Drini what makes you think I'm going to forget about you?

suck me pete wentz.

along the lines of Elginko's fractal blowout symphony i bring you this nugget of joy

2007-07-02T22:36:00.001-08:00

Oprah for Prez...I ain't kidding she should join the Dead Prez.

2007-07-02T21:21:00.000-08:00

Everyone in Portland eventually looks the same.

2007-07-02T18:53:00.002-08:00

I'm sure all the hipsters in Portland don't care that they got the number one draft pick in the NBA. I'm sure they're all worrying about how much they need to wear hoodies, stripe shirts, pose in a certain way and complain about Seattle's Hipsters. I don't really care about Greg Oden that much but at least I care more about him than I do about cafes and Pabst's. If you really want to be hip start drinking HAMM's. It tastes better.

I've been sober for over two weeks now. I'm starting to remember things that I've been blocking out for the past couple of years. Yes that time I was in the sewer playing water polo with the feces of the Olsen Twins and singing Smokey Robinson covers over my bootleg Iphone I got before it was thought of. The stable society is rocking on a hole in our pocket that is burned by the home pregnancy test you need because cocaine and Rubik's cubes don't make a good match just like fireworks and fingers but we still blow them up every year when the time is right.

It's a pallid comparison but the churro is just like a tonfa.

I think I'm going to stay sober for a while. There isn't much point telling your liver to fuck off when you can tell your lungs the same thing and not wake up feeling like the Incredible Hulk just raped 57 countries in their sleep on a pogo stick and a half pipe. What if I don't have another drop of alcohol for the rest of my life? What would that make me? A cold turkey or a warm pussy? Most of my friends drink..well pretty much everyone I know drinks. I'm just going to spend my money on Rambo DVD's and a haircut every week so I can still have someone tell me I need to spend my money in a better fashion.

I saw a headline that said, " Glimpse of the Universe before the big bang!" Way to refute your theory. Is it possible to not by hypocritical when it comes to the BIG theories? I guess you can formulate anything to plug your numbers in and have everyone be OK with it. Hello cosmological constant. If you ever find yourself finding the meaning of life in an outhouse that's about to be relocated you've come to the conclusion that any sort of self worth is drained from eating things that make you diarrhea. Because the only big bang is the one about to happen after you eat Taco Bell and drink 40 ounces of Mountain Dew.I always liked RC Cola but was afraid to admit it because I knew that a lynch mob would form and I would be considered a witch. And we all know what they do with witches nowadays. They become heiresses and teen idols except the teen idols are given magical warlock powers to make the media profusely vomit out falsified information to give you a tabloid hard-on. That's real magic people. The wand of speculation and mistruth will lead us into the next ice age on the fact that the Riders of Lohan will always be more important than what we can see before the dawn of time and how much an arms race isn't anything different than a Greyhound race with little people jockeys running after a mechanical rabbit. Synonymous with rednecks turning left and getting paid to spew out emissions causing the ozone layer to deplete. That ozone layer thing is just an excuse to make you think of something more threatening than Donald Trumps toupee. I'd like to see Jeff Gordon in a foot race with a llama. The Dali Lama that is. Much to my chagrin it's like my dreams of seeing Jesse Jackson at a Klan meeting shooting craps and listening to Lil' John. If I could throw in another stereo type I would but I don't have surround sound and I don't think you would be able to hear all the little things I'm trying to say in between sentences.God is cooler than John Stewart because John Stewart doesn't exist. What you see on Comedy Central is just another mirage the fascist machine is penetrating into your mind. Who really thinks that they are going to win people over by using the good ol', "Fascist machine" trick. Criss Angel couldn't even make that illusion appear real to me. Blah blah blah big brother this and 1984 that. I told a buddy of mine when your getting wasted with people that everyone is talking but nobody is listening. And that my demons is what's true about today. I want more Republic radio so we can have an even cage match with those NPR guerrillas. I don't even know where I stand in that whole matter anyways, I wouldn't know it if I was standing in a pile of dead crows who got caught in the cross fire of a nerf war in Darfur. I don't want to save that place unless they are going to throw a Wal-Mart there and create a concrete jungle. Sudan needs a Starbucks about as much as Bill Gates needs to come out with Virtual Reality porn headsets to save his career. The true meaning of the name Silicon Valley never made more sense than when I just said that. I'm sorry people but I am a true leader. And I would tell everyone that I am a Republican so I can be the face of the devil. Because 666 got changed to 616 get your Mesopotamian translations right. If you don't know what I mean go Google it. Just like you need to Google your homework.

I once bought a ring for someone and threw it into a river while I was blacked out. And the movie trailer for Sunrise is the biggest bullshit I've ever seen.

I like long walks on the beach because if you walk on one long enough you'll either:

a.) Slip on a Jelly Fish
b.) Find a dead whale
c.) Smell the low tide
d.) all of the above except you'll be wearing an one piece made out of syrup.

If you are feeling low or depressed say Calvin Coolidge or Grover Cleveland. Shit works every fucking time. Just don't look in the mirror and say Wanda Sykes three times because you'll get stabbed in the face with a curling iron.

Ginkoffs

2007-07-02T18:53:00.001-08:00

No one cared to vote so i guess the finals are in limbo.

Crack Spider

2007-07-01T17:05:00.001-08:00

The pope's hangover on a sinking ship.

2007-07-01T16:22:00.000-08:00

Nine years old. She was nine years old when jesus saved her. "it was the greatest joy you could ever feel." That terrifies me. Nine year olds already know redemption from rapture in their heart of hearts and believe they are in god's good blessing. I'm twice her age, and haven't had jesus talk to me like that yet. i dont know how that doesnt terrify her. I've heard that the rapture doesn't appear in the bible. i think it would make sense that the individual word wouldn't show up in a modern day translation in english. but it is in there as a greek word: Harpazo. the occurence of one word doesnt really take away from the greater picture. and that picture is:

8 MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKS TILL FOOTBALL.

football is where its at. War should occur as football. The end of times as well. Shit would get settled. I think America would still be a world superpower. We got both the hulk, and maybe the utlimate warrior, if hes still kickin around. We had chris beniot, but he went fuckin insane. No bueno chris beniot. Fuck yes to three languages in that last sentence. Football is the best time of year, minus the 16 hours of darkness for 6 months, and the perpetual drinking that ensues.

So remember, the end of time is neigh, only 8 mother fuckin weeks left. so lighten up, take it easy on the sauce, and read some chuck norris facts instead of all those holy books.

so i havent been laid again in a while.

2007-06-27T01:30:00.000-08:00

gettin laids funny. it seems like i only really dig the backs after a cool few weeks off. then whenever im gettin backs i sit there and think about paying bills. i think its an al haida thing. high imams and shit.

I'm pregnant.

2007-06-20T15:00:00.001-08:00

Quantum.

2007-06-20T04:00:00.000-08:00

So aside from that goldenginkfist shower image. all of the images ive uploaded are the same image. i think i was oj for the first one, nixon for the 2nd. and now im crazy enough to be a janitor.

I think its herpes.

2007-06-19T23:15:00.000-08:00

or maybe the hiv, work sucks.

Sir Drini

2007-06-19T22:43:00.000-08:00

If I send you a T-shirt with the Ginkfist logo will you have someone take a picture of it and I can post it?

it's worth a shot aint it?

Ginkoffs week three

2007-06-19T22:41:00.001-08:00

Cast your votes demons!!!
Leave a comment or email dahghda@gmail.com

Plop says dick cheneys birdshot.

2007-06-19T13:02:00.000-08:00

skeet skeet skeet shootin mafucka.

Dust your udder brudder.

2007-06-19T12:53:00.000-08:00

fuck the children. unless they buy windows vista. i heard kobe cryin might be goin with dem fools over in chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicago. thatd be great. between him and ben wallace, he's gunna be the bitch. According to espn.com, Ben Wallace will miss the game coming up because of inflammation of his sinus. we all know what that means.Blow.but not Blow. we got this new software at work which stops me from surfin porn. which kinda sucks. now all i get to do is fantasize about throwin dead fish on people from the second floor. it makes my doodoo sparkle.

Rise of the Gink

2007-06-19T00:21:00.001-08:00

If you forgot who winner was he's the oval guy...and he's also in the banner.

2007-06-18T23:36:00.000-08:00

I like Cornelius grills...he's a role model.

Nothing better to do except write you a letter with a time bomb in it.

2007-06-18T21:31:00.001-08:00

Since you fucktards aren't writing a Myspace bulletin you are reading Ginkfist. Or doing what ever Facebookers do. I found a loan shark, my Russian wife and a vile of STD's from TMZ on Myspace. Lord knows what else I can acquire from Facebook. I'm sure WMD'S, HPV's and the Hepatitis-C's all fall in there.

Sometimes I wonder what the new look is going to be like in a year from now. Girls are wearing all sorts of weird dresses and guys reverted back to tight pants and still rock faux-hawks like it's nobodies business. Some days I just want to strip butt naked and wear fake wrestling belts all over my body and do my hair in a halfro-mullet hawk Jerry curl super part and wear a wig on both shoulders. Then I could mobb deep on a tricycle with 34 inch rims and 14 sub woofers blasting OMC or some D.R.E. I'm pretty sure the ladies would laugh at me until someone with some real cash started doing it. I need to lobby for Ludacris to wear what I just said and tell him and Don Magic Juan to run with it. I could be credited for putting P. Diddy out of his clothing line and bringing F.U.B.U up to competitive status again.

Remember F.U.B.U.? Fucked Up Butt Undies? For Underage Boys United? Free Umbrellas By Uruguay? Fred's Upper Bung Unitard? F.U.B.U brought us a golden age of whiteheads rocking the most baggy attire known to man and donkey alike. I still laugh out loud when I see some pasty albino thuggin' down the street cause his momma just gave him $34.99 to spend on a rag tag jersey.

Mommas don't let your children grow up in FUBU.
Seriously it will rot your brain more than Mentos and Diet-Coke.

Since I'm on a rant on how people should look I figure I should talk a little bit about the Goth chick. I don't really care what you wear but I do. I'm sure you do too. I do really really care about how you should look in public because I am a Communist and a good Commie thinks you should wear all white spandex and if you get any stains or dirt on them it's four climbs up the flag pole greased in Vaseline and if you don't get the paddle you need to smack your ass with at the top in four tries its to the iron maiden or Chinese water torture with Nickleback playing in the background for 57 years straight. This woman or wants to be woman chose to look like Bela Lugosi and put a bowl on her head for that little extra in her hair that says,"Razor my neck just a little and suck the blood and spit it in my eye so I can complain about my weird fetish."

Seriously what the fuck is that? She looks like she is about to bite the leg off of a newborn giraffe. She really doesn't look in the mirror and say to herself,"I might as well end it soon." I would bet that she still goes to Sunday School like that just to get a rise out of everyone so she feels like she did it for a purpose. The purpose to tickle my anus with a grotesque apathy that I endure just to bring you my ardor of it's sheer existence.

Yes this guy listens to Clan of Xymox.

You would think by now I would have talked about how those Emos and the Hipsters dress. But we all know my anger would cause a nuclear explosion so great God would get a sun tan. Goth's and poser gangsters are almost a little too easy. I guess it's better than complaining about how the Dutch wear their underwear on their head and their boots on their chins.

Hilary hitler

2007-06-16T10:22:00.001-08:00

Jackhammer the crap hatch

2007-06-15T02:36:00.000-08:00

I smoke two fools before I smoke two fools and then i smoke two more

2007-06-15T00:20:00.001-08:00

I'm (or I was) midway between one of the oust burgeoning cities in the world and a ghetto infested with crack whores and people who are of the Spanish origin. I have nothing wrong with Azteca or crackheads but I do have a problem with binary and stale whiskey.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before but I would sell my soul to Robert Johnson just to learn how to solve a Rubik's cube without algorithms. I would then back out of the contract and owe my next 1 trillion souls to Satan's love child with Danny Devito. Things wouldn't be awesome for a trillion years times 24. Yes...24 trillion years.

I told my friend that my standards are like limbo. You have to get low. Lil' Jon got low once. Then he put acid mixed with sparks and henny in a plastic gasoline tub and made music for the masses. At least that was two or three years ago.

Time flys by like a kite ready to hit small children in the face. Hitting small children in the face is a crime now but I remember a time when it was an Olympic sport. Or maybe that was a drinking game we played when we laughed at kids who played "special" Olympics who had faces that looked like they got hit with twenty kites at once. Either way parents will still buy their children Fred McGriff training videos in hopes that they will all become Derek Jeter cybernetic monsters and bring baseball up from the ashes of steroid abuse. This does not mean that I don't think Derek Jeter does steroids but it does mean that I think he smokes a lot of cock on the off season and takes a lot of cock in season.

My definition of pudwacker.
If I could find a picture of his son it would be my definition of abortion.

And I created this gif because potty humor is potty humor and potty is humorous.

He hasn't been around for a while

2007-06-12T21:26:00.001-08:00

Frontman syndrome

2007-06-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

Wouldn't you wanna fuck around with whiskey and hookers forever? Don't you just want to amass a play den of blow and debauchery for the remainder of your days? Then you must acquire something that all men of promiscuity and golden godlike greatness achieve. Mother fucking front man syndrome.! Not at all close to fragile x syndrome but something more with a supreme anointment factor. Usually...you end up being a fag and on the cover of Rolling Stone with guyliner and some smirk that just breathes homo erotica. The kind of look that whispers in your ear,"Don't you want to take my belt buckle off with your teeth?"

If you don't already you must grow long hair. That way chicks think you are have a female growing inside of you and it's always good to let them know you will have a heart. One that's big enough to love them for one night. Goatee is optional but the baby face and long hair is going to slay them on impact. Take Chad Kroeger for example he's my personal hero(gag me with a spoon and clean me with a wet nap).

Notice how he lets pubes grow on his chin. Just to let the ladies know he's of legal age. He's managed to wear enough makeup to look like Jesus. Case of Hamm's and a dead hooker says Stan Winston did prosthesis for little to no cash at all. I figure you can take several different routes with your appeal as a frontman. You can go classic rock like Robert Plant:
You can go Emo-Pop-Punk-Suckalicious like the Antichrist Pete Wentz:

If it's an absolute must you can take it to the Uncle status like Freddy Merc:

You really don't have to worry about lyrical content or the subject matter of your songs nowadays. You really don't even have to write real words. If you just talk about the club and how much you're empty and this and that hitting ninjas with a baseball bat your swimming in the poon my friend. If you want to get anything out of nothing you have to look and act like these guys. But if you want to fuck everything in all walks of life. From bicycles to laptops, men, women, goats or clouds want to get up on your junk you combine all of these men. You concoct the Frankenstein beast and become the starchild of all dimensions. You become this:

Super Scott Stapp!!!!!!

If you become super charger Scott Stapp saiyan christ lord cockmonger you will get credited for writing every song ever and nothing will stop at any cost to try and bang you out of every orifice. Swords will cut holes into your body where dead Roman souls will penetrate your living essence giving you Jupiter cells. You can explode into a Krakatoa supernova and spread your seed across the vast reaches of the outer ether and impregnate the cosmos with your speed of light tadpoles. Time will bow down before your vocal range and cower into a fetal state because you are a mountain of chaos and wonder. Everything will be you...the super charger Scott Stapp saiyan Christ lord cockmonger.

This made me laugh

2007-06-12T11:07:00.001-08:00

The last king Junior Gottlieb

2007-06-12T10:13:00.000-08:00

What is more important, Paris Hilton or global warming? They both dominate the headlines and the world media feeds it to you like a tube into Terry Schiavo. It'd be like if the Bull's were still winning titles and Michael Jordan was in a wheelchair. But not really. Nobody really cares. At least I like to think I know that for a fact. I saw a commercial for a hybrid Lexus today. What are you gonna do? You want the expensive automobile but if your peeps see you drive a hybrid they are going to billy club you in the vagina because you obtain a vagina at the sheer thought of driving a hybrid. My dream car is a hummer with 18 mufflers and a quadriplegic in an iron lung riding in a sidecar. Paris Hilton and global warming give me a priapism. Shoot first ask questions later. Celeb reality is taking over Krang status. Blaadow.

This is the holy union.

Don't forget to watch B. Bark on Friday June 15th for his final departure into the underworld. I guess it'll be better than watching the Soprano's give you blue balls. I never watched the show but I do it spaghetti on occasion. Why do you think Chuck Norris and B. Bark are kicking it? You think Norris is giving him a refill on immortal fountain water to sling to Dick Clark? The value of this showcase tears a hole in the fabric of space leaving time on a coke bender washed up and still fapping to the riders of Lohan.

When did we stop asking ourselves the root questions? And those of us still asking those questions why are you "that guy" at the bar exposing the fundamental theory to get laid when the equations is a simple as a drink left at the bar and roofie slipped into it equals lawsuit or child?

Don't waste your time on petty things because you could be an Asian wrapped in tinfoil singing Man-o-War covers in your basement hoping to get a spot on American Idol in a last ditch effort to tell your parents you really are going to make it in the world and they haven't seen anything this good since Pizzicato 5.

But I will allow you to waste your time on making Transformer costumes. One thing puzzles me in this choice fashion, how do you take a leak? Unless he's got a little tippy cup in there attached to the cooling unit I really don't know. The quizzical things in life make up for the blissful truths. I would rather question how someone makes pee pee time than read about how some radical blew his asshole out in the name of Shiva. When are the Vikings going to become the lead terrorist organization again?

Gink Bomb

2007-06-10T09:05:00.000-08:00

They wrassle for the lord.

Beats beating beaten beets.

2007-06-06T21:38:00.000-08:00

Ginkoff Semis

2007-06-06T21:18:00.000-08:00

Cast your votes!!!
Surprisingly enough I did get a lot of emails and your comments helped and these were the majority votes. I had to throw meegosh in there because i fucked up on the V.S. part. I figure since I made the ginkoffs i could throw in anyone i wanted. Trust me on this one though there wont be any hijinx like having slushpuppy be the winner.

Your buttcheeks.

2007-05-23T00:38:00.001-08:00

seriously. your buttcheeks are the coolest thing ever.
my computer isnt. its still broken, maybe on friday ill buy more ram and fix it.
unless i spend it all on booze again.
or no legged prostitutes

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