1/29/2007

this computer does not contain any photoshop

I had these really great idea to put Micheal Vick's face on the cover of High Times since he got busted for having a bong on the airplane. Hey I get his reasoning. If he ain't going to the Super Bowl let alone the playoffs why not try and get high on an airplane so you can act like Samuel Jackson and keep yelling in peoples faces about snakes because your so high you can tell the difference between a stewardess and an anaconda. Alabama black snake honey. I tried Popeye's chicken today. And I immediately thought of the Maynard's astral chicken post I did a while back. Speaking of Maynard I might go see Tool again. But I don't know if I should save up for Coachella or Led Zeppelin. They are reuniting this summer. I guess they are going to have the corpse of John Bohnam on stage sitting next to a drum machine while Robert Plant sings about his babies in every verse of every song. Actually it might be the baby tour Zoso style. Tickets are probably more expensive than the Super Bowl itself. I'd rather spend my money on a donkey show for my birthday. I was thinking about going back Juneau for it so I can relive those redolent smells of seaweed. Seaweed is good for lubrication I heard and you can also smoke it and get really sick because it doesn't do anything. I also heard that it doubles as piano wire.
That reminds me. I once saw a diagram of a cat piano where you use a hammer that has a spike on it so every time you press a key it spikes a cats tail. I guess the guy even arranged the cats voices into octaves so it could actually be played. Here is a picture of it I found. I always found it morbidly humorous. I would like to arpeggiate it or circuit bend it like Richard D. James. I'd hook a car battery up to their brains so every time they thought about eating albacore they would have seizures and the grandest random harmony would reverberate through the Sistine Chapel.

There is something I have noticed recently. I ride the bus a lot as transportation or the cab. The cab is a whole nodduh story brother I'll have to get back to my Taxi Cab confessions later. But there is always someone with down syndrome on the bus. I have nothing wrong with people who have ailments except Chinese child prodigies. They make my hair stand up and small termites latch on to them and burrow into my skin and make small colonies where other little colonies already staked claim and then the white ones push the brown ones onto a small piece of land and make a casino so the brown ones can feel like they have a warm welcome into the economic cycle that is white termite manifest destiny. I think downies are Metro Police in disguise. Because they always harass you like its their business to know where you are going. And you know behind their eyes that they are capable of acting a little normal. I've had a couple of bad downie experiences in my time where they thought they should get special treatment and in some cases they should and in some cases they shouldn't.





I found the Turkish Wizard of Oz




I also found this badass powder lookin' muthah rockin' out to the keytar. When we said grampa can't jam we meant it cause this guy shreds the keytar. Plus I think he frequents bath houses.




Drini who is Jimbo Wales? To me this is what Jimbo Wales should look like.


Gramps might not be able to jam but he sure can down a fifth of rye whiskey and make advances to aunt Etheline while she just got down working on an oil rig off the coasts of Micronesia. She gets lonely sometimes. So does he.

For some reason the other day I mistook these two girls I was hanging out with for lesbians. I felt bad because by the end of the night I found out they both had boyfriends. Has that ever happened to you? I don't know but I'm kind of thinking that everyone chick that I meet is a dyke on a trike. It might be because no one shaves their armpits in Bellingham.
I was LIKE just LIKE thinking of this LIKE the other LIKE y'know LIKE the other day. It was LIKE a total LIKE epiphany in LIKE some weird LIKE cosmic sort of LIKE way.
And finally I don't even know what this means. I cant comprehend it. It's almost as if I was one of the Natives of North America that couldn't see the the massive sails of Christopher Columbus right in front of me because it was a foreign object that the state of mind couldn't perceive the person to ever see.
I guess I'll see you guys when I see you. I hope El Ginko is keeping the fam adhering to Ginkfist. I know his posts aren't as badass as mine but you'll have to leech onto his Vienna Sausage for life support. Remember when he was going to move? And tell Miles to quit blatting before bed, it's not healthy for a cat his age.

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