Have you ever?

Have you ever...

Ate so much seaweed you had to smoke the rest?

Tasted the fruits of a virgin lamb and chugged down tic tacs with wine coolers?

Pooped in a can because you thought the ground you were on was holy?

Fapped to Christina Applegate pictures while listening to Guster on a mix tape?

Tried so hard to get Carrot Top to ask you for your autograph?

Climbed the Eifel Tower for love just to get a divorce at the top?

Looked in the well to find Timmy wasn't missing just at Hooters eating chicken wings?

Tried so hard to get that Van Halen song out of your head and the only way to medicate it was to kill Kurt Cobain and end the Grunge era to move in boybands and let Dru Hill sell more albums?

Watched the High School volleyball team at the car wash...the mens team?

Took a shit on the seats at a Browns game because you thought that it was the right thing to do since their name is the Browns?

Ever dreamed you were awake then talked to numerous people about lucid dreaming and societal ideals and problems and figured out you were just hammered trying to get some girl into bed at FDAU?

Seen Buhleedhat or Drini?

Told Bob Dylan he sounds like Tom Petty only to get your ass kicked by Jacob Dylan?

Put a sex toy or sex product on lay-a-way to find out the package had been opened inbetween the 3rd and 4th payment?

Fucked me and hated every minute of it because I breathe heavily in your ear and try to put my finger up your butt while yelling out Seinfield quotes?

Rolled up your socks to calculate the area and diameter of how many other wangs could beef the twamp in a stride that twiggles the fort on a supper wish?

Had a thing for those Dr. Suess characters?

Thought that Warcraft was the sacred book of Martha Stewart and searched the world only to find it was an online community of Martha Stewart bots that fap to magic spells and orcs?

Been to the Dome of the Rock and brang Man-O-War CD's and amps for the Jam session to find out that everyone is just mad there and doesn't like anything but the wrath of God and you said that would make a good concept for an album and they hung and crucified you and let imported hyenas lick at your testicles so you could never possibly answer this question?