I've been sober for over two weeks now. I'm starting to remember things that I've been blocking out for the past couple of years. Yes that time I was in the sewer playing water polo with the feces of the Olsen Twins and singing Smokey Robinson covers over my bootleg Iphone I got before it was thought of. The stable society is rocking on a hole in our pocket that is burned by the home pregnancy test you need because cocaine and Rubik's cubes don't make a good match just like fireworks and fingers but we still blow them up every year when the time is right.
It's a pallid comparison but the churro is just like a tonfa.
I think I'm going to stay sober for a while. There isn't much point telling your liver to fuck off when you can tell your lungs the same thing and not wake up feeling like the Incredible Hulk just raped 57 countries in their sleep on a pogo stick and a half pipe. What if I don't have another drop of alcohol for the rest of my life? What would that make me? A cold turkey or a warm pussy? Most of my friends drink..well pretty much everyone I know drinks. I'm just going to spend my money on Rambo DVD's and a haircut every week so I can still have someone tell me I need to spend my money in a better fashion.
I saw a headline that said, " Glimpse of the Universe before the big bang!" Way to refute your theory. Is it possible to not by hypocritical when it comes to the BIG theories? I guess you can formulate anything to plug your numbers in and have everyone be OK with it. Hello cosmological constant. If you ever find yourself finding the meaning of life in an outhouse that's about to be relocated you've come to the conclusion that any sort of self worth is drained from eating things that make you diarrhea. Because the only big bang is the one about to happen after you eat Taco Bell and drink 40 ounces of Mountain Dew.I always liked RC Cola but was afraid to admit it because I knew that a lynch mob would form and I would be considered a witch. And we all know what they do with witches nowadays. They become heiresses and teen idols except the teen idols are given magical warlock powers to make the media profusely vomit out falsified information to give you a tabloid hard-on. That's real magic people. The wand of speculation and mistruth will lead us into the next ice age on the fact that the Riders of Lohan will always be more important than what we can see before the dawn of time and how much an arms race isn't anything different than a Greyhound race with little people jockeys running after a mechanical rabbit. Synonymous with rednecks turning left and getting paid to spew out emissions causing the ozone layer to deplete. That ozone layer thing is just an excuse to make you think of something more threatening than Donald Trumps toupee. I'd like to see Jeff Gordon in a foot race with a llama. The Dali Lama that is. Much to my chagrin it's like my dreams of seeing Jesse Jackson at a Klan meeting shooting craps and listening to Lil' John. If I could throw in another stereo type I would but I don't have surround sound and I don't think you would be able to hear all the little things I'm trying to say in between sentences.God is cooler than John Stewart because John Stewart doesn't exist. What you see on Comedy Central is just another mirage the fascist machine is penetrating into your mind. Who really thinks that they are going to win people over by using the good ol', "Fascist machine" trick. Criss Angel couldn't even make that illusion appear real to me. Blah blah blah big brother this and 1984 that. I told a buddy of mine when your getting wasted with people that everyone is talking but nobody is listening. And that my demons is what's true about today. I want more Republic radio so we can have an even cage match with those NPR guerrillas. I don't even know where I stand in that whole matter anyways, I wouldn't know it if I was standing in a pile of dead crows who got caught in the cross fire of a nerf war in Darfur. I don't want to save that place unless they are going to throw a Wal-Mart there and create a concrete jungle. Sudan needs a Starbucks about as much as Bill Gates needs to come out with Virtual Reality porn headsets to save his career. The true meaning of the name Silicon Valley never made more sense than when I just said that. I'm sorry people but I am a true leader. And I would tell everyone that I am a Republican so I can be the face of the devil. Because 666 got changed to 616 get your Mesopotamian translations right. If you don't know what I mean go Google it. Just like you need to Google your homework.
I once bought a ring for someone and threw it into a river while I was blacked out. And the movie trailer for Sunrise is the biggest bullshit I've ever seen.
I like long walks on the beach because if you walk on one long enough you'll either:
a.) Slip on a Jelly Fish
b.) Find a dead whale
c.) Smell the low tide
d.) all of the above except you'll be wearing an one piece made out of syrup.
If you are feeling low or depressed say Calvin Coolidge or Grover Cleveland. Shit works every fucking time. Just don't look in the mirror and say Wanda Sykes three times because you'll get stabbed in the face with a curling iron.
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