It was I who shanked you.

I won't lie and say I had a great day, but it was great.

Some say men are only men when they have a man in them.

God doesn't come to think he comes to gink.

If you battle a horde of angry dwarves extend your arms and yell out, "Behold I am the father of giant wishbones!" If this doesn't work start kicking and screaming.

Eat twice a day but once more than Sally if Eric had anything to do with what Jon told Jenny before Marge took a bite to eat except two more than what Eric had anything to do with than what Jon told Jenny twice before Marge really ate the fucking thing.

If you smoke cigs you are more likely to smoke cock. If you smoke cock you are more likely to find me tapping on your shoulder in...three...two...one...yes that's me tapping on the back of your head.

Give me a dollar for a fourty so I can take a shit on your floor and have you clean it up.

I wont invite you in unless those socks come with disposable lint machina erected from the spruce which came from all that reflected our concise representation of the holy spirit divide.

That channel changer pisses me off more than Hermione. She's on her period now. Y'know what that means? I'm not going to jail for your sick thoughts fucktard!

Eat my meat and break a stone. Belief in Allah gets one thrown!

Don't chase a bottle rocket. It has a kidney stones.

If 40 is the new thirty is 90 the new 18? Yeah baby raw like grandma pound that plum!

If someone says they are short-handed they probably mean they cant fit there fatty little fingers in the pickle jar or they left a pickle in their butt and can't reach to get it out.

Dogs can only see in ultraviolet and black light. If they sniff your nuts that means they see a cum stain on your pants. You should really get a new pair dude thats gross. I know it isn't yours. It's from your girlfriend? I'm sure the dog didn't sniff that one out.

I fought a man in prison. He was locked in a cell while poked at him with those clubs the Canadians beat seals with. He cried because I started calling him Salty Larry the Angry Butt Phlegm. I found out later that his dad used to call him that.

The news paper sucks today. It talks about Terrorism. That means every newspaper from here on out is going to suck. I envoke you all to write to the editors and let them just print the sports page. The Yankees one? On second thought don't even read the newspaper.

Whisky dick only happens to Wilford Johnson the III. It's just too bad he was the first human.

If zero is a number how come there isn't a bill for it?

Gilbert was here.

Yanni was at this clubhouse and lost a game of checkers to that goat in that one story about that goat.

Homer wasn't really a bard but a drunk fucker who made all the prissy bards tell this story about a guy who came home and found his wife fucking all these dudes. Of course the King James version is the Odyssey you are reading nowadays.

If there is one thing I want you to do...it's to smell your hands after you cut your toenails. Goddamn is that the most aromatic shit you ever smelt in your life? I could eat a toenail if it had Johnny's on it. What happens when you eat nails? Is it like when a dog chews on a hoof? Or when Kevin Federline looks up into the sky and says, " If it weren't for the mushroom and the primate this very second I stand erect to look towards the great heaven would be an obsolete observation. I stand alone in the light of hours darkest reverie to peer inward the succulent sophistry in the eye of a weakened automaton. Pine from the circuits aggression and let zephyr catch the Popozao. "

Pee on a fence then climb it.

If you lay in the middle of the street nothing will happen until something happens.