I tell you what

When a man loves a woman he really loves Oklahoma.

Having an orgasm is not as painful as telling the truth.

If weed isn't addictive why am I still listening to the Macarena?

Chumbawumba is actually an Navajo burial right of passage. In recent years Dick Cheney found out you can conjure Chumbawumba while quail hunting. Go figure D. Chain.

I like to take sweet tarts and put them in a can before I snort 13 lines of alka-seltzer. It's the prologue to my end zone dance where I sing plop plop fizz fizz oh with a bump and a wetback I pizz.

The Yankees have won so many games in there existence they could lose 234 games and commit 56 errors per game and still require 18 blow jobs per second.

Barry Bonds is now in talks for an autobiographical movie starring a cactus that shoots up peyote into its brain. He stars in one scene where God throws him into a no-parking sign.

If the world was round I'd like to know if I was playing marbles correctly.

It was once green now its blue but it took a couple then it waited for a second now its yellowish orange.

The Browns.

Terrel Owens owes my five bucks. He took it from my Grandma so he could take a bus to get to a commercial shooting. When he got there he didn't pay the bus driver took the five bucks baught a 40 got drunk with David Hasselhoff went to Bombay became an engineer and now answers phone calls for tech support instead of going to the Cowboys training camp.

Everytime I look at porn I don't cry. I don't laugh. I don't even get a hard on. I asked a vetrenarian if this was rabbit food. He told me there was a problem in the limbic system of my brain. The function can be corrected if I throw a brick into the air and if it doesn't fall back to the earth I will be able to fuck anything I want.

I fucked anything I wanted.

Please do not commit supper damage.

Tolstoy rearranged Limp Bizkits and flushed the toilet in bold italic and underlined.

Two things you should know.

A shoe lace is a crimson moon on the tide of american lore. Shakazulu. Dooling. Porf.

Jolly Green Giant reads brail fluently.